The Minister For Lip Service To Broken Promises Will See You Now
Turn left at the Office for Foot Dragging and Kite Flying?
Latest News
Fish ‘Abducted By Aliens’ Before Being Put Back In Water
They could be watching us right now!
Motorcyclist Thrown Over Handlebars Still Experiencing Amazing Sense Of Freedom
He's never experienced so much freedom!
Stoner Loner’s Painful Boner, Leads To Prolonged Epic Moaner
If he'd had a girlfriend, he could have shown her?
Nobody Knows More About Contempt Than I Do, Enoch Burke Tells Court
Or involuntary celibacy...
“My Personal Healthcare Choices Should Be As Private As My Wife’s Tax Affairs Once Were” – Sunak
Just another winter's tale!
Man Who’s ‘Not Getting Anything Off This New Weed’, Just Passed Out
Somebody should tell his face?
A Beginner’s Guide To Embroidery By George Santos
Anyone for Liar's Poker?
Residents’ Annual Clean Up ‘Another Great Success’
We watch everyone, so you don't have to!
Local Paper Exposes Cruelty Behind Christmas Tree Farming
Remember, a tree is just for Christmas, not all year round.
Prince Andrew Swears He Won’t Be A ‘Handsy’ Santa This Christmas
Cold, cold Christmas?
Man Planning To Pretend FTX Gift Vouchers Still Worth Something
Because it's better to give (them as presents) than to receive (them as presents).
People Don’t Understand What World Cup Means To Local Alcoholic
It's very emotional?
Musk Says Voter Fraud Cost Him Twitter Poll
Tweetle-dumb!
Ukrainian Town’s Name Sounds Like An Old Man Trying To Clear His Throat
They don't make it easy!
Ready4Rishi To Restore Trust In Politics By Smashing The Nurses Strike?
We can't afford to play into Putin's hands!
England Quite Relaxed About White Player Missing Penalty
Back of the net!
International Relief Agencies Warned About Irish Snow
Won't somebody please, think of the children?
Irish Times Poll Finds Strong Support For Rejoining The Union
Public said to be poll axed.
Self-Made Man Eager To Share That Information
He ain't called 'selfie' for nothing!
Eric Trump Claims His Father Fought For His Country In Two Wars
Meanwhile, back at Mar-a-Lago...
Spite Is A Renewable Energy
Are we supposed to look up to them now?
Man’s Affair Is Having An Affair
It's the lies he can't stand.
Met Éireann Denies El Niño Began In Mayo
Perpetual home of the 'soft day'.
Serpents Of God Disclose Assets of €57m As Abuse Claims Increase
At play in the fields of God?
Fifa Confirms Players In WC Final Must Convert To Islam
Everyone Qatarred with the same brush.
Man’s Taxes Paid For National Children’s Hospital, Airport Runway And Port Tunnel
Cost overruns every bit as certain as death, taxes.
Hungry Pupils Will Be Taught To Sing Their Troubles Away
Ain't poverty a lark!
Dinner Invite Said Nothing About Taking Your Shoes Off
The cream carpet crowd, strike again!
Man Says Nostradamus Predicted He’d Get Flu
Or maybe one of those 24 hour bug things?
Sleepy Joe Smokes America’s Biggest Ham For The Second Time
Trump appears glazed after results.
McShirty Seen Screaming Into Liffey
Analysts say he's declared war on politics.
Putin Threatens To Go Scuba Diving Again To Restore Russian Army’s Reputation
He didn't rule out some more barechested horse riding either.
Fianna Fail Paralysed By McShirty Row
HQ denies McShirty's departure has raised the party's IQ.
McSharry No Longer Speaking To Himself
"He's left me no option," he told reporters, "he's pure thick!"
My Second Best Vomit
A little vomit can sometimes help to rebalance a relationship?
PIGS In Space With First Irish Satellite
In space, no one can hear you squeal.
Woman Remembers The Good Old Days When Everyone Had TB
"But I wasn't good and I wasn't old!"
Truss Latest To Be Voted Out Of The House
The PM's 'holiday from reality' is well and truly over now.
Shop Assistant Too Wasted For Small Talk
Or chitchat.
Truss Says She’s Now Prepared To Be Popular
Because sometimes you simply have to be prepared to do the easy thing?
Police Confirm No Suspects In Death Of Angela Lansbury
But fans say "Something very sinister is going on!"
A TG4 Newsreader Is Not A Celebrity
Until they move to a bigger station?
Jump In Price Of Mica Sends Cost Of Children’s Hospital Soaring
Builder's crack!
Poor Not Doing Poverty Right
Keep the complementary soaps & shampoos from your hotel bathroom? Because every little helps...
Putin Says Last Oligarch’s Death “Really Was Accidental”
Accidents will happen? He's said it often enough...
We’ve Heard Enough From Experts, Truss Tells IMF
They said we were crazy when we proposed Brexit and look at us now!
Trump Classifies Entire Democratic Party Ahead Of Midterms
Makes you think.
NI Census: Still More Pricks Than Kicks
Basically, the place is a giant pin cushion?
Britain Leads World At Pageantry Because The World Couldn’t Care Less About Pageantry
They never tell you who came second, do they?
Enoch Burke Fails To Get Court Order Cancelling Free Speech
Is that too much to ask?
Queen’s Death: Were The Jews Responsible?
I think we should be told!
Man Recalls Time The Queen Said Something
Because you wouldn't forget a thing like that...
Putin Says UK Needs A Democratically Elected PM, Not A ‘Golf Club President’
President of Shetland Islands golf club responds by issuing Putin with a 'lifetime ban'.
Brexit Britain ‘Free At Last’ To Frolic In Its Own Filth
More than 400,000 discharges of untreated sewage in one year.
Irish Times Wins ‘Natural Home Of Middle-Class Angst’ Award For A Record Breaking 36th Year
Aka the 'something must be done' award
Hardly Worth A Landlord’s While Being In Politics These Days
Has it really come to this?
Robert Troy: “If I Didn’t Read The Rules, How Can I Be Accused Of Breaking Them?”
It's a fair question.
Minister Has Nothing Left To Hide Because The Media Have Seen To That
And he'd like to sincerely thank them for helping him get his affairs in order.
Bishop Sick Of All This Turn The Other Cheek Crap
Detest the sin, love the sinner? Who came up with that beaut!
Trump Supporter Has Had It With Those JackBooted Thugs From The Vincent De Paul
And their 'ethical extortion" rackets!
Tory Hunger Games Move To Northern Ireland
Truly the gift that keeps on giving...
No 10 To Support Free Speech By Censoring Critics
Land of Woke and Tory?
Johnson Accused Of Behaving Like A Frenchman
Churchill was never accused of that!
President’s Wife Says She Wasn’t Elected To Be Silent
Bien-pensant?
The Arab Islands, The Cliffs Of Moherfucker And Milftown Malbay
Staycation plus inflation, leads to deflation.
Driverless Police Car Chases Driverless Car
Things will never be the same again. At least not until the next time.
Rees-Mogg Urges Leadership Contenders To “Stay Focused On Keeping It Creepy”
And forget the footwear fetish?
Democrats Too Busy Worrying If They’re Being Unfair To Somebody, To Get Their Act Together
What about Joe Manchin, are we being unfair to Joe?
Bonfire Builder To Be Cremated Atop Pyre He Died Helping To Build
Those whom the Gods love, die young.
“Your Chagall’s Worth Shag All,” Woman Told
And that's not a shaggy dog story.
NUIG To Be Renamed UG – Loss Of Letters ‘N’ And ‘I’ Blamed On “Cutbacks”
Research shows graduates thought NUIG stood for Nobody Understands Its Governing Body.
Varadkar Accuses Doherty Of Mitching, Stealing Apples & Smoking Behind School Bike Shed
Info taken from FG's 'Secret Dossier'.
Alito Teaches Rednecks Meaning Of “Egregiously” By Using Egregiously Wrong Example
Egregious allegiance?
Trump: “I Win Anyway Because I Stuffed The Supreme Court!”
Says "Mission accomplished!"
Famous People Are Never Happy, Says Man Who’s Watched ‘A Star Is Born’ 8 Times
Especially comedians?
The Tide Comes In Twice A Day, So A Line In The Sand Only Lasts Twelve Hours
Just like sandcastles?
President Accused Of Breaking Official Secrets Act By Referring To Housing Crisis
The gov's pain in the Áras.
Daily Mail Strongly Supports Rant By Daily Mail
Nobody saw that coming!
Bojo’s Lost His Mojo
Consensus is, you can't put lipstick on a pig, never mind a 'greased piglet'.
Johnson Forgives Sue Gray
Reluctantly and not without major reservations!
Churchill Made Sense Of Chaos, Johnson Is Chaos
No matter how many chase after a greased piglet, it can never be accused of leading them.
Local Man Donates His Old Underwear To Ukraine
They were wearing thin anyway?
Derry Girls Dictionary: All The Slang Explained
Things like a Tayto Cheese & Onion sandwich?
Musk Says Flight Attendant Never Truly Loved His Scarred, Tattooed Penis
"I call him 'the Donald'," Musk revealed. "True story!"
Wagatha: Winner To Meet Amber Heard In The Final
Depp: "I'd buy tickets to that!"
Harry Styles Feels Most Beautiful When He’s Asleep
It's 'a moment,' ok?
Asylum Seekers To Be Flown To Africa To “Save Them From Trafficking”
Rees-Mogg worried Patel will oust him from his current position as the Tory party's monster-in-chief.
NUIG ‘Klingon’ Row Splits Board
They're on the starboard bow!
Turf Burning To Be Restricted To Areas Where Turf Is Burned
But the ban on burning turf in areas where turf is not burned, to go ahead.
Putin Says “Haters Gonna Hate”
Biden responds with awesome take down.
Neutrality: We’ve Tried Everything Else, Coveney Says, We Might As Well Try Honesty
When all else fails...
What To Do When Your Ex Makes A 40-Under-40 List
After the weeping has stopped, obviously.
Putin Joins Truth Social After Trump Reassures Him About The Truth Part
Who can't handle the truth?
“You’re Not An International Woman” No Excuse For Ignoring International Women’s Day
So that's three times a lady.
Truth Is The First Casualty Of Boris Johnson
"The thing about Boris," a former admirer said, "is that he'll always let you down."
Britain Leads World’s Slowest Crackdown On Oligarchs
It ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it?
I Worry About America, Says Rape Accused
And what it might do to me.
“Nazis” Working Closely With Israel To Evacuate Jews
You can't trust them!
“But I’m Churchill,” Wails Boris, “Not Zelenskiy”
I shall never surrender.
I Don’t Know What A Brothel Smells Like Either, Says Jeffrey Donaldson
Donaldson & Beattie go on military manoeuvres.
Specsavers Offer Jim Allister Free Eye Test
National Federation of the Blind denies it has offered to teach him braille.
Alan Kelly Resignation: Public Shocked To Learn He Was Labour Leader
It's all water under the bridge now.
7 Things Zelenskiy And Putin Have In Common
Both have been filmed shirtless.
We’re All Ukrainians Now, Says Irishman Refusing To Order Girlfriend A ‘Black Russian’ Cocktail
He's not going to play Russian roulette either.
Say What You Like About Putin But At Least He’s A Christian Who Firmly Believes In The Death Penalty
But say it very quietly...
“I Know A Liar When I See One,” Johnson To Tell Putin
Biden said to be amused by PM's 'novel stance'.
Rees–Mogg: “I Didn’t Know What ‘Oven–Ready’ Brexit Meant Because Nanny Does All The Cooking”
He really is a 'member'.
Sean Fleming Opens Up About His Learning Disability
"It's not a disability, it's a gift".
‘Why Does Everything Happen To Me?’ Wonders Simon ‘Calamity’ Coveney
It's absolutely gas
From Ryanair To Swineair – Carrier Voted Worst Short-Haul Airline
"Fuck off," Michael O'Leary explained.
Mary Lou’s Eyebrow Flickers Briefly, In Move Not Sanctioned By IRA Council
Or the Vatican either, for that matter.
World In Shock After Unionist Cracks Passable Joke
Whither unionism now?
Fat Cat In Flat Cap, Makes Another Fake Flap
Healy-Rae fails to make hay.
Trump Says He Will Ask His Boss Not To Invade Ukraine
He should be Putin jail.
You Won’t Believe What Happened Next, Drone Operator Chuckles
Laughing just to keep from crying.
Nobody Warned Me I Was Breaking My Own Rules
And you can take that to thee, ah, thee bank, as it were.
Millionaires Say Focus On Billionaires Damaging Their Self-Esteem
They got more money than a horse has hair!
Awky Momo For Royal Yoyo
As Queen gives him the finger.
Johnson Says He Thought Party Was Work Because He Doesn’t Know What Work Looks Like
Says he's 'in favour of work because wherever there is work, there is employment'.
Doctors Hoping To Put A Human Heart Into Boris Johnson
But no guarantee he'll accept it.
Mayo To Be Renamed ‘Rooney Country’
She's 'part of what we are'.
If Even One Person Can Learn From Woman’s Mistake, She’ll Be Happy
Husband 'seriously' doubts that.
Why Christmas Is A Special Time For Ian Bailey
He's found the greatest love of all, inside of him.
Farmers Not Happy About Something
Nation in shock!
Man Who Bit Off Player’s Ear “Done An Awful Lot For Under-21 Football”
For the countaaay!
Film Critic Unmoved By Flight Attendant’s Safety Demonstration
Curiously unengaging performance from two industry veterans.
Old Man Used To Be A New Man
But it's all over now.
New Motorcycle Owner Wants Unbelievable Freedom Of Riding In Single File
Get your motor running...
Death Of Dairy Farmer’s Son Who Milked Ireland
We didn't deserve him. (We really didn't!)
Nigel ‘Fool Me Twice’ Farage, Fooled Twice
What are the odds?
Man Willing To Do That Job Where You Have To Spit Out Wine
Or any of those "beats working" jobs, for that matter.
SF Offer Hunger Strike Musical For NI Celebration
Spoiler alert: Everyone dies but they win in the end.
Man Found Masturbating In Aldi, “Very Comfortable With His Sexuality”
Consumerism's all about instant gratification.
Man Who Crashed Into Police Station Is The Real Victim
Gardai playing the blame game.
Woman Steps Outside Her Comfort Zone To Laugh Extra Hard At Boss’s Inane Joke
Shoot me now and get it over
Her Majesty Will Be Offended If I Don’t Get A Window Seat, Donaldson Tells Stewardess
And the terrorists will have won?
Woman Who Was ‘Proud To Be Unmasked, Unmuzzled And Unvaccinated’, Muzzled For Ever Now
One less Trump voter?
Children Refuse To Confirm Boris Johnson Their Father
Famously tight-lipped about their paternity.
Woman Who Thought She Was Dating A Priest, Learns He Was Just A Guy Wearing His Dead Uncle’s Clothes
How could it have been wrong when it felt so right?
People Who Once Objected To Presidential Visits, Now Demanding Presidential Visits
As consistently inconsistent, as ever.
Anti-abortion Advocate Wants Right To Choose When It Comes To Vaccine
In a way, it's progress?
Where Do You Stand On The Whole Nicki Minaj’s Cousin’s Friend’s Swollen Balls Debate?
Because we need to know.
Senator Wants Child Tax Credits Tied To Adorable Street Urchins Who Can Sing And Dance
It's meritocracy, basically.
Texan Who Takes His Mobile Everywhere, Refuses To Be “Tracked By The Vaccine”
With a Yeee and a hawww.
There Are No Losers Here Today, Winner Tells Losers
But only one of us is taking the trophy home?
I Too Was Sceptical When I First Heard About This Amazing New Product, Says Salesman Selling New Product
And I'm as sceptical as the next guy.
German Woman Whose Letters Never Arrived, Now Knows Why It’s Pronounced ‘Un Post’
Spat On is an anagram of An Post, btw?
Acid Reflux: What It Is And How To Avoid Ryan Tubridy
It's a gut feeling.
Death Of First Man To Say Shite On The Radio
Say what you like but whatever you say...
Judge Refuses To ‘Blame It On The Boogie’
"Beat it," judge tells defendant.
The Ballad Of Brave Sir Jeffrey
Feared he not to tilt at windmills.
Spending On Union Flags To Double In Response To Fall Of Kabul
That'll show the bloody French!
Man Just Following His Pecker Around
...the one-eyed man is king!
‘Guardian Reader’ Is Not An Occupation, Jobseeker Told
It's more of a principle, really.
People “Way Too Smart To Believe The BBC”, Way Too Stupid To Find It
For the truth shall set ye free...
Met Éireann Blames Status Yellow Rain Warning On “Covid-19”
May also be to blame for El Niño.
Ireland ‘One Of World’s Five Best Places’ To Survive Next Collapse Of Irish Society
Otherwise known as the homelessness crisis?
Support For A Border Poll To Be Made A Hate Crime
Our friends in the north.
People With Bigger Noses Demand A Bigger Mask
Their noses are out of joint.
Papal Anus Getting Millions Of Hits
Biggest anus in history, says Vatican.
Truthteller Gonna Let That One Slide
Because it's "not her truth"?
Mayo Woman Looking At Methane Capture System For Husband
She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie...methane!
Judaeo-Christian God So Weak He Needs GOP’s Protection
The Democrats won't lift a hand to defend the Almighty!
Conspiracy Theorist Just Wants To Know Why 88 Year Old Man Died
Like, why would a man who is nearly 90, just die like that? The Clintons were probably behind it.
Blueshirt Barrister Besieged By Ivana Batshit
An embarrassment of riches??
Queen To Get Completely Wankered Tonight
It's thought she'll break the habit of a lifetime and have a second Babycham.
Royal Fantasising About Bloodbath That Would Make Him King
Now that would really kill on Oprah.
Donaldson Hoots As Poots Scoots
And he shall reap the bitter fruits.
Naked Hypocrisy Of Wee Sammy
More naked hypocrisy .
True Value Of The Sun Was Always Zero
Sunset for the Dirty Diggers dodgiest daily?
‘Lad With A Biro In Dublin’ Must Be Dealt With
Six All Irelands in a row 'gone to their heads altogether'.
Those Who Always Said The Innocent Have Nothing To Worry About, Not Saying It Now
But it would be in very poor taste to point that out.
Apparently It’s Empowering For Your Teenage Daughter To Dress Like A Whore
And then lorry down a naggin of vodka...
Woman Will Only Read Book She Objects To When It’s Banned
Some things never change.
Stegosaurus’ Sour Guest
Jurassic arse sparks larks.
Martin Blames Housing Crisis On Cyber Attack
Fr. Martin
Pat Kenny’s Wife Confirms He’s Very Much His Own Man
If he knows what's good for him.
Grateful World Thanks DUP For Its Silence
They say it best, when they say nothing at all...
Battle For Soul Of GOP Delayed By Last Minute Search For Soul Of GOP
Growing fears it may have been sold...
Man Not Sure What He Ever Did To Montezuma
Holy guacamole, this gringo's feeling lowly.
That Little Girl Was Me, Kamala Harris Screams At Little Girl Selling Lemonade
Did the president call?
Northern Ireland Warned Of ‘Dangerous Political Vacuum’ In Boris Johnson
No-show Bojo, continues to lie low.
Mayo To Get Dial-Up Internet Access
Whether they want it or not!
Monkey Hotly Denies It Doesn’t Know Any Bowie Songs
On Mars, there won't be any "Life on Mars".
Work Underway On Covid Website That Will Crash When Public Try To Use It
In keeping with best international practice.
Penniless Outsider Who Adapted Well To A Life Of Great Wealth And Privilege
But could have had a career in the navy instead...
Sincerity Rears Its Ugly Head
Red Hand of Ulster, caught in the till of protestant probity.
Town Slightly Nearer To Dublin Looks Down On Town Slightly Farther From Dublin
Not just a 'bend in the road'.
Navy Seal Will Take No More Female Prisoners
And none were harmed in the making of this commercial.
There Is No Such Thing As Luminous Prose, Man Screams At The Irish Times
Still no word on the manuscript then...
Man Drinking In Airport Bar Has Seen Things He Doesn’t Want To Talk About, Ok?
Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot?
Don’t Make Same Mistakes I Made, Says Alcoholic Who Can’t Recall The Mistakes He Made
Reckons he probably did it his way but...not entirely sure about that either?
And Then I Told The NHS It Was The Best We Could Do!
Angels don't need money.
We May Never Know The Truth, Says Minister Feeding Documents Into Paper Shredder
Rejects suggestion the Green party is "just Fine Gael on bikes".
Harry To Oprah: ‘I Have No Idea What Our Dreams Are, Only Meghan Knows’
Meghan details couple's extensive wish list.
Oh No I’ve Ruined It, Says Mom Trying To Tell Joke
It's the way you tell 'em.
Queen’s Joke “Proves” She Hasn’t Lost Her Sense Of Humour
Judging by unconvincing tabloid accounts of its 'famous' sharpness.
Former Governor Of Bank Of England Would “Rather Be Seen In Prison Than In Pontins”
Prison looks more comfortable.
Eamon ‘Skullduggery’ Ryan FTW
Members feeling 'green about the gills' over museum row.
Local Man Would Really Like To Punch HR Guy’s Lights Out
Who wouldn't.
Now Look What You Made Me Do, Man Screams At Wife
Forty going on four and a half.
We Used To Have An Empire Says Englishman Whose Car Won’t Start
But then everyone 'Brexited' from it!
83% Of Nurses Who Work In Empty Hospitals Don’t Believe In The Virus
Difficult to reach group raising concerns.
Single Woman Who Likes A Good Cry, Looking Forward To Bawling Eyes Out On Valentine’s Night
Planning to call her mother first and get that out of the way early.
If The Deep State Really Exists, Then Why Couldn’t It Prevent Trump Impeachment Trial
Deep state of disbelief required.
UK Aghast Weapons It Sold To Pariah State Used In Coup
Shaken but not stirred.
Vaccinated Woman Claims Zombies Just Run Past Her Now
Doesn't realize they're just maskholes.
Court Spares Man Who Has Whole Life Of Racism In Front Of Him
Judge doesn't know Wright from wrong.
Nobody Knows What Colour The Sky Is, On Marjorie Taylor Greene’s World
Could she be the new Trump?
AstraZeneca CEO Says It’s Amazing What You Can Find Down The Back Of A Sofa
From the millionaire who criticised 'me first' attitude of some.
Castlebar Man Not Sold “A Gay Computer”
Beaton around the bush.
Patriarchy Objects To Stereotyping By Women Who Should Be At Home Rearing Their Children
If it really has to be said.
Boris Voted Britain’s Biggest Cockwomble
Seen as a clown, not a Churchill.
QAnon Renames Itself QOnan After Poll Of Members Favourite Activity
Members advised they can 'stop when they need glasses'.
Five Years Sober. Can I Bore The Hole Off You About It?
It just feels longer.
The Special Meaning Behind Biden’s Inauguration Outfit
One that sent a powerful message to the world.
White House Pardons All Of Trump’s Allies
Insiders say White House photocopiers were printing pardons late into the night.
The Guy Did Something Like That In The Bible Once?
And everyone said he was legend.
Is It Wrong To Say Miss Bum Bum Has ‘One Hell Of An Ass’?
It's not easy being a bum, especially in this contest.
Martin Addresses Covid Issue On Everyone’s Lips: St Patrick’s Day Trip To White House
News pushes covid death toll off the front pages.
Try This Simple Trick To Eliminate Dust – Turn On The Vacuum Cleaner
It works every time!
Maskhole “Just Wants To Know What They’re Not Telling Us?”
Why won't they tell us what they won't tell us?
Man Whose Wife Told Him ‘You’re Not Getting Pulled Chicken’, Wants To Know If They’re Still Talking About Food
Because if not, that wouldn't be funny.
Habeas Brexit
Produce the 'sunny uplands'.
Gardai Say It Was ‘Only Fair’ To Shoot Man Without Gun, With Weapons They Were Given To Deal With Armed Criminals
Racism 'played no part' in decision to execute black guy who wasn't carrying a firearm.
Harder To Dispose Of A Body Over The Festive Season Than You’d Think, Wife Tells Best Friend
The first cut is the deepest.
Man Planning Selfless Act Surprised By How Much Self He Actually Has
But still, probably much less than most people...
The State’s Next Apology
Smear test?
The Carry On Cockney Pearly Queen With A Heart Of Gold Who Shagged A Kray And One Of The Bee Gees
The Barbara Windsor I knew zzzzzz.
Woman Beating Man At Something In Movie, As Unexpected As The Kid Who Has Cancer Being Elected Class President
You just never see that on tv?
WWII Bomber On Moon Stolen By China
Trump said to be incandescent - even if he can't spell it.
Unionist Outraged At Being Reminded NI Not British
The Kilclooney looney.
No Hurry With Moon Rocks, World Tells China
Take all the time you need!
Manufacturing Happy To Continue Rape Of Earth So Your TV Snacks Come Individually Wrapped In Plastic
Those worms that eat plastic will sort it all out, won't they?
Celebrity Chefs Race To Be First To Cook New Species Of Monkey
Natives say the meat on this monkey's ass tastes better than the meat on any other type of monkey's ass.
“Is This A Hill You Want To Die On?” Priest Asks 5-Year-Old Having Tantrum
Because acting isn't hard, dying is hard.
Woman Was Under The Impression She Owned A Waterproof Jacket
It ain't called driving rain for nothing.
Post Trump Stress Disorder Sweeps America
The Orange Order is over but its effects will long be felt.
Giuliani Calls Narnia For Trump
Says its 2,141 electoral college votes will carry him over the line.
Varadkar Appears In Zorro Costume For Dáil Statement
Vows he will apologize to no one for his exceptional humility.
Ireland Says Thanks For Putting Us Back In Lockdown, Conspiracy Dicks
Give yourselves a big pat on the back.
Tell Me Again The Difference Between Homiesexual, Homosexual and Metrosexual, Mother Asks Teenage Son
Because you can be anything you want?
Man Wearing Mask Under Nose Blames Students For Spread Of Virus
Also convinced the gov is clueless.
It Isn’t. Are You?
The 'lapdog Lebedevs' should be Putin jail.
Dog Dragging Its Balls Along Carpet ‘Understands Every Word Woman Says’
It's called 'scooting'.
Paris Hilton Campaign To Prove She’s “Not An Airhead” Has Some Way To Go
Main stumbling block is its subject.
Coronavirus Moved By Support Received In Fight Against You-Know-Who
Too early to tell if it will be successful.
Second Confirmed Case Of Coronavirus In A Pig
GOP thought to be at particular risk of developing porcine respiratory coronavirus.
Viable Device Found By Husband Who’s Not
Ordinance surveyed.
Trump’s Biggest Lie Visible From International Space Station
He couldn't lie straight in bed.
Soldier Recalls Iraqi Kids He Gave Chocolate To Had ‘Ugly Sense Of Entitlement’
In the end, it just makes you bitter.
Woman Thinks “World Would Be A Far Better Place, If We Were All Just A Little Bit Nicer To Each Other”
'Money won't make you happy' & and other excruciating banalities.
EU Country Says If EU Was Planning To Blockade Part Of It Then EU Country Would Probably Know About It
Pinocchio PM strikes again!
Boy Hanging From Window Ledge Can’t Wait To See Which Superhero Saves Him
A boy can dream, can't he!
Man Who Looks Like Shroud Of Turin Has No Idea Why He’s Stopped And Searched So Often
This blue 'line' is pretty thin.
Deputy Noel Grievance ‘Still Waiting’ For Clarification On Inaccurate World Bank Figures
Unable to sleep with worry.
Donald Tantrum Strikes Again!
He 'never lies'?
Wife Cancelled Date Night Even Though Husband Had Already Brushed Teeth
Romance has broke down.
Parish History Omits Time Fr Mike Blew The Bingo Fund At The Galway Races
The Lord works in mysterious ways...the bastard!
Ed Sheeran Announces Arrival Of First Hobbit Born In Captivity
World first for Britain.
Incredible New Anti-Snoring Device Takes Ireland By Storm
Why not try it on your husband tonight?
Gov Using A Torch To Search For Darkness
Public being treated like mushrooms...
New Trumpadvisor Site To Rate President’s Lunacies
Top Ten Things To Do To Stop Him.
Asian Couple Name Son “CEO Amir Patel” To Give Him ‘Headstart In Business’
A little push never hurt anyone.
Doheny & Nesbitt School Of Economics, Badly Hit By Economics
Fashionable Dublin 2 watering hole, no longer watering holes like it used to.
Eamon ‘I, Robot’ Ryan
Whatsapp group also dubs Green leader 'Autopilot Eamon'.
Loyalists Confuse EU Flag With Isis Flag…Again
Ulster says "No?"
Trump Support Among Married First Cousins In Freefall
Never upset people who can count to 11 on their fingers.
Man Singing ‘My Heart Will Go On’ Suffers Cardiac Arrest
It will always go on until it doesn't.
UK Like ‘A Leper Threatening To Shun Flu Victims’
Or the Black Knight saying 'None shall pass' in the Holy Grail.
For Once, Boris Pulls Out!
There's a first time for everything.
Given Rape Is No Longer An Offence In England & Wales, Is There Any Chance A Cell Could Be Found For A Sex Pest MP?
Because there ought to be plenty of room...
Mayor’s Job “One Step Up From Being Town’s Most Colourful Drunk”
Virtual mayoralty even worse than actual mayoralty.
New Doctor First Black Man To See Irish Woman’s Tits
Private lives and high fives of Galway's suburban housewives.
British Democracy Safe Johnson Says Because “I Never Let A Woman Urinate On Me Like Trump Did”
Fat cats (pictured) say democracy in Moscow-on-Thames, safe as their off-shore accounts.
Stephen Collins Accuses Newton Emerson Of Being ‘Soft On Sinn Féin’
High ground vs high horse.
Turns Out Mass Death Is Worse For Economy Than Mass Unemployment
Who'd a thunk it!
Scotland ‘Top Target’ For Political Interference By Johnson Regime
Johnson personality cult brooks no opposition.
North Korea Furious As America Retakes No 1 ‘Joke-Leader’ Slot
Decisive win for Trump over 'barking' North Korean leader, after extended period of leapfrogging in international ratings.
No Accountant Was Harmed In The Making Of This Movie
For which we apologize unreservedly.
Student Who Made Mockingbird Pie ‘In Honour of Harper Lee’, Admits He Never Read The Book
But still doesn't understand what all the fuss is about.
Cowen Forced To Deny He Was Man Gardai Found Being Whipped On Buttocks
Says he wasn't the man who broke the bank at Monte Carlo either.
Foster Urges Loyalists To Move Their Sectarian Hatred Online In Order To Meet Virus Restrictions
We must move forward without forgetting the past.
It’s All Over For Big Jack Who’s Headed Home After Final Whistle Blown On Game Of Two Halves That Went Into Extra Time It Is Now
The Jack Charlton I knew off the telly.
BLM Ennis Threaten To Make Town ‘Ungovernable’ If America Does Not Change
Ennis says no to 'status quo'.
Amber Heard Found Guilty Of Witchcraft
Explosive Sun trial revelation!
Cowen ‘Profoundly Sorry’ He Got Caught
In 'all sincerity'.
Committee Set Up To Establish Which Part Of Ireland Kanye West’s Ancestors Come From. Just In Case, Like?
Probably somewhere near Birr.
Roger Would Be So Disappointed – Elizabeth Ailes
But Fox News is the real victim here.
Big Oil Wants You To Know It’s Hurting Too
So maybe it's time to talk about 'supporting democracy'?
America Paid Militants To Kill Soldiers But That Was, Like, Back In Olden Times?
Remember these guys?
Fuck The Lot A Ye, Screams Mary Coughlan
Only kidding, says Shantalla chanteuse.
Man Usually Gets His Wife’s Way In The End
Father's Day confession.
Man Arrested For Calling 999 To Report Theft of Air Guitar
The road has a way of making you crazy.
Boris Killed Londoners Faster Than Hitler
Churchill wannabe worse than Adolf.
GOP Unable To Come To The Phone Right Now
They have a thing going on?
‘Normal People’ Pollution Reaches Earth’s Last Wilderness
Which character are you & other idiotic toss.
My Nine Year Old Son Is Depressed In His Bedroom. Should I Let Him Out?
Parenting during the lockdown
I Like To Think Of Us As One Big, Happy Family, Says CEO Who’s About To Fire Everyone.
Is it one of the hardest things he's ever had to do? We may never know.
Quarantine Means “The Terrorists Have Won”
PandeMick O'Leary is really quite sweary.
Man Who Gets Hard-On Every Time A Woman Cries, Can’t Break Up With Girlfriend
It's called Dacryphilia
Meat Loaf Told ‘Bat Out Of Hell’ Not Appropriate As Charity Single For Covid Research
Singer considering legal action.
“Call The Midwife,” Screams Constipated Castlebar Man
"I'm starting to crown!"
New Press Secretary Caught Lying On First Day
But manages to keep a straight face
Woman Singing ‘Private Dancer’ Confident She’d Make An Excellent Prostitute
If she absolutely had to?
“Have You Tried The Wire Brush?” Trump Asks Birx
You need to get it before the other two guys.
Trump Jr. Rips Son For Asking “What Did You Do In The War Daddy?”
Ask not what he did for his country...
Breda O’Brien: Sometimes I Have Impure Thoughts About Pope Francis
That neither of us, would ever act upon.
Queen Praises Britain, Britain Praises Queen
That's how it works.
Are You On Vodafone’s ‘Pray As You Go’ Plan?
Because we care.
Turmoil After Covid Rejects A Pig Like Trump But Accepts A Swine like Johnson
He's not hamming it up now though, is he!
“Balcony Bingo? Sure It Writes Itself!” Cackles Roddy Doyle
A licence to print
The Revenue Will Cut You Some Slack But Not Sky
Company's meaningless motto - "Believe in better" - a perfect cipher for the times we live in.
Man Will Lamp Next One To Mention 1918 Flu Pandemic
Or take his own life!
What The BBC Doesn’t Want You To Know About The Virus
The British Fraudcasting Corporation?
Coronavirus “God’s Punishment” For Letting Gay Couple On DWTS
It can only be a matter of time.
Flood-Weary Farmer Switches To Freshwater Prawn Production
You have to go with the flow.
Hospital Food “Did Not Kill Mouse”
So...not a danger mouse
Why Laboratory Assistants Are Social Lepers
Most live in a social leper colony.
Flat-Earther Makes Earth A Little Flatter
Pilot a hot contender for this year's Ig Noble prize.
Buy A ‘Vagina Candle,’ Woman Tells Ex, Because That’s As Near As You’ll Get
A candle in the wind?
Ireland In Grip Of Democracy Virus
Micheál Martin latest party leader to become infected.
Dominic Cummings Penis Transplant
Another historic first for Brexit
Castlebar Knew Her ‘When She Was Nobody’
And nobody knows it better.
Senator Noone To Raise Awareness That “You Can’t Say Anything”
Not even homo or knacker!
Trump Calls Baghdadi’s Wife ‘Baghmammy’
Mrs Baghdaddi, pictured on the right, out shopping with friends.
Irish Times Amazed By Irishman Living Abroad
"I'm living abroad," he confirms.
Not A Good Idea To Light A Campfire To Pray For Rain, Australians Told.
For the love of Jesus!
Peter Sick Of Being Robbed To Pay Paul
And robbed twice at Christmas.
Where Are Your Children, Don’t You Know The Sally Gap Is Closed?
Emergency services issue advisory notice declaring the incident a 'legitimate excuse to leave work early and get pissed on the way home' event.
Boris: ‘More Than Happy’ To Do Andrew Neil Interview Now.
'As I always said I would'.
If You Break Your Leg Under A Labour Government, It’ll Hurt More, Boris Claims
PM overheard lying to pensioner
‘Michael Jackson Done It All The Time,’ No Excuse For Rubbing Your Balls In Public, Judge Tells Castlebar Man
Claims Princess Diana was a known fan of Jackson's 'crotch grab' manoeuvre.
Boris Johnson ‘About As Convincing As A Hypnotist Who Smokes’
One who wants to know if you've been working out lately?
Man Longs For Day When He Can Resent Intrusion Into Private Life That Fame Brings
It's good to have a goal.
Rapper TI Promises Daughter’s Hymen Check Will Be Biannual From Now On
Public's reaction on a par with the winter vomiting bug.
Fair City Extra Recalls Time Gaybo Completely Ignored Him In A Lift
You couldn't make it up!
Woman Would Definitely Ride ‘The Hot Priest’
Sideways, never mind 'front and back'!
The Gear I Brought Back From ‘The Dam’ In My Ass
You learn a lot about yourself when you have to decide how much of anything you can shove up your rectum.
Man Who Didn’t Suffer Fools Gladly, Was ‘Just Another Dick’
Prone to pique and pissfits.
Sinead O’Connor Reportedly Strong Enough To Contemplate Another Two Week Marriage
The Husbands of Sinead O'Connor group warn against any further expansion of their number without extra funding
Man With No Shoes, Unmoved By Sight Of Man With No Feet
Firmly rejects any suggestion of causal link between other people's disabilities and his own mood
Without The Alcohol That Prevented Him Realizing All His Ambitions, Man Discovers He No Longer Has Any Ambitions
He's not entirely sure he has a personality either, if he's completely honest.
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