President Warns We’ll Soon Be Drinking Our Own Urine
Bog surfing?
Latest News
Explained: How Donald Trump Plans To Make Sure WWII Never Starts
Peace in our time!
Man Who Complained Throughout Heatwave Complained Even More About End Of Heatwave
A chip on both shoulders?
MTG Calls On McCarthy To Skip Inquiry And Go Straight To Impeachment Vote
Because the evidence may never turn up?
Taxi Driver Now Primarily Focused On His Legacy
Comes a time in a man's life...
Angry Republicans Demand Biden Act His Age
"We'd like to see him in slippers," a spokesman said.
80 Is Too Old To Be President, Says Candidate Who Will Turn 80 Halfway Through Next Presidential Term
Make Aderall Great Again!
Germany Refuses Extradition As Britain Now “Officially A Shithole Country”
AKA the 'sunlit uplands'.
Trump Says Richard Sackler Will Be His Drugs Czar
Move expected to create a 12 hour buzz.
Mitch McConnell Starting To Look Like He’s Starring In Weekend At Bernie’s
'Sandbagged' again??
Trump’s Actions Legal Because He Pardoned Himself “Inside His Own Head”
The once-and-future pardon.
DeSantis Claims His Audience Smiles Same Weird Way He Does
Root canal territory.
Beggar Tries ‘We Band Of Brothers’ Speech On Stockbrokers
Can't blame him for trying.
Woman’s ‘Visceral Need To Push Boundaries’, Exposed As Insatiable Desire For Attention
Because I'm worth it?
All I Need Is Reasonable Doubt In Mind Of One Juror Whose Address Has Already Been Published On Internet, Trump Says
Reasonable doubt about their safety?
The Defendant Confirms He Will Not Be Taking Part In Tonight’s Debate
'Defendant' is such an ugly word...
MTG Says Some People “Make Conspiracy Theorists Look Bad”
And there's so much work left to do?
Pence Says He’s In The Race To Win While Fully Supporting The Trump Campaign
"Either way, God wins!"
Labour Adopt Tory Manifesto To Give People Clear Choice At Next Election
You can have any colour you like, so long as it's blue?
Woman Will Never Be Able To Flick Off To Holly Willoughby Again
It's the principle of the thing.
Giuliani: Biden Only Using RICO Against Me Because He knows I Can’t Bear Poetic Justice
As opposed to poetic license!
Woman Who Used Words “Breastfeeding Journey” Shunned By Friends
And it was right and fitting!
Stock Exchange Gains After AI Predicts AI “Totally Safe”
Can we take that to the bank?
Rapinoe To Trump: We Don’t Fail When We’ve Lost, We Only Fail When We Can’t Accept We’ve Lost
It's a key stage of development on the road to adulthood.
Thank You Taylor Swift For Giving Me Permission To Cry While You Cry Because You Saw Somebody Else Cry?
Never more than a heartbeat away from sobbing about something.
Man Back After Taking Heroic Shit
To walk amongst you, once again!
Giuliani: “As A Lawyer, I’m Not Obliged To Tell The Truth”
And not much inclined to either?
NatWest Says It Just Wanted Farage To Use The Back Door
No questions were asked about the missing £350ml a week for the NHS.
RFK: “The Charge Of Stupidity Is One That Hurts”
Cuts him to the bone.
Man Singing ‘Try That In A Small Town’, Furious Capitol Rioter Jailed For Attacking Police
Gotta love them small towns!
McCarthy Says “I Firmly Believe Capitol Protest Was Peaceful”, Jeffries Replies “Neither Do I”
The past is a different country.
Anecdotes Are How I Communicate Says RFK, Much Like Jesus?
Can he get a hallelujah?
New Musical About Joys Of Child Poverty Makes Triumphant Debut
Food, Glorious Food?
Jane Birkin Could Never Understand Why People Thought The Orgasm She Simulated On Je T’Aime Was Sexual?
It's really about spiritual love?
Nanny Warns Fiery Speech Not Simply Application To Relaunch Heartwarming Sitcom
Because that's so not what Hollywood is about?
Flatlining Satire Site’s Latest Prediction Claim As Implausible As Previous Ones
Goodbye Yellow Brick Road...or not?
Mission Impossible: Tom Cruise Tries To Get A Hospital Bed Within 48 Hours
Mission Improbable, more like!
Marty Morrissey Clarifies: “It’s Pronounced Renawlt Not Reno”
There's no such thing as 'a Reno'!
Survey Finds Sex Life Of Rare Frog More Interesting Than Brexit
Froggy went a-courting a he did ride, M-hm!
The Delicate Flowers Of Trinity College
Like the students, they need 'near perfect conditions'.
Scientists To Ask AI What Women Really Want
Let's see if it can do any better.
Elton John Announces “Last Ever” French, German, Spanish, Italian, Swiss, Polish, Greek, Norwegian, Swedish & Danish Performances
Goodbye seems to be the hardest word.
Woman Only Called To Say She Has No News
Story embargoed until further notice!
Man At Movies By Himself Horrified To Discover His Own Penis Inside Popcorn Box
Says he may never be able to go to the cinema by himself again!
Putin Never Closes A Door Without…Opening A Window?
Somewhere in Belarus, there's one with Prigozhin's name on it!
Source Of ‘Banging Noise’ Identified As Sub Owner’s Head Being Repeatedly Slammed Into Wall
Stop, listen, what's that sound?
Trump Attacks Hunter Biden For Making A Plea Deal: “You Just Don’t Do That!”
This will not stand!
Tories Say Happy Birthday To The Lyin’ King
He told 'white lies' too!
Man So Angry He Wants To Sweep Everything Off A Desk
It's called a 'rage-swipe'?
“Do I Seem Like Someone Who Would Keep Secret Documents In A Bathroom?” Trump Asks Rally
Does that sound like me?
Man Died Surrounded By His Family After Stubbornly Refusing To Surrender
It's how he wanted to go...
Obscure Satire Site Pathetically Proud Of Bible Ban ‘Prediction’
Just waiting for the New York Times to call.
This Kind Of Thing Never Happens Round Here, Say Residents Of Area Where Thing Just Happened
People are in that electrical condition known as, 'a state of shock'.
‘Ménage à Twat’ Is Not A French Expression
A rose by any other name...
Florida School Bans The Bible Over “Scenes Of Rape, Incest And Adultery”
Can't wait to see the movie!
DeSantis Only Half The Bastard Our Guy Is, Trump Campaign Warns
You have been warned!
Uvalde: Kids May Not Have Been Safe From Shooter But Totally Protected From Books
Apparently "guns are not the problem"!
Ireland Introduces New Alcohol Label Warning “Booze Makes Everyone Look More Attractive Than They Really Are”
Which is how your mother met your father.
Wagner Captures Bakhmut For The Fifth Time
If you have to say it, then it isn't true...
Man Blockading Refugee Hostel ‘Definitely Not A Racist’
But you won't read that in the meeja!
Irish Prime Minister’s Coronation ‘Quick Pick’
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs...
Man Ok With AI Risks, So Long As It Delivers A Good Sex Robot
Is that really too much to ask?
George Santos Angrily Denies He Ever Owned A Book
Once upon a time there was "no place in politics for this kind of character assassination".
You May Have No Work-Life Balance, Drunk Tells A&E Staff But I Have No Balance At all
Either way, balance is important.
Despite What The Song Says, Husband Tells Wife, There’s Plenty Of Sunshine When You’re Gone
Anytime she goes away.
West Clare Hotelier Offers Three Sausages With Every Fried Breakfast To Boost Bookings
And as much toast as you can eat!
Trump Wins Doonbeg International Haircare Award
Tipperary Peace Award my ass!
Greedy Nurses Want A Pay Rise On Top Of All The Clapping
It's a cynical betrayal of all those who died during the pandemic.
Call For Unity Amongst Left Sparks Vicious Brawl
What did you just say?
People Complaining About Jobs Moving To Europe, Don’t Understand That’s Just How Brexit Works
You know it makes sense?
Fed Says Risk To Economy From Drag Queens “Greatly Overstated”
The Pink Scare.
Telegraph Columnist Who Had No Problem With Ireland Giving Queen Ecstatic Reception, Outraged It Gave Biden One
If former editor Conrad Black were dead, he'd be turning in his grave!
If Necessary I Will Raise My Fist Again, Hawley Warns
Fist of funk?
Pentagon Says It Would Be Victim-Shaming To Blame Them For Giving Kid Access To Worldwide Intelligence System
Signals intel just signalled stupidity.
Man Blows Noisily Into Tissue Then Demands A Doggy Bag For It
Can I get that to go??
Ireland Asks What Went Wrong, As Country’s Only Alcohol-Free Bar Closes
We may never know.
The Law Is An Ass (hole)
I feel quite unwell.
Florida Principal Accused Of Showering Naked
What a sicko!
British Startup Invents Long-Distance Arse Kissing Machine
The ancient art...
Johnson Says He Thought Party Was Work Because He Doesn’t Know What Work Looks Like
"Crikey," he said afterwards.
Man Who Claims His Public Relations Work Doesn’t Compromise His Integrity, Sadly Correct
Sadly, he's absolutely right.
Rupert Murdoch Says He Will Live To Be 184
The future's so bright, he's gonna need shades.
Your Landlord Will Be Forced To Evict You, If He Has To Fix The Toilet Leaking Into Your Kitchen
You know it makes sense!
Number Of Houses Not Being Built Needs To Double
The Minister for Hubris?
First Time The Truth Travelled Faster Than A Lie
He's not called the 'dirty digger' for nothing...
Ordinary Decent Liars of Fox News Furious With High-Profile Liars Of Fox News
You'd need a heart of stone not to laugh.
We Smoked Ourselves To Death And It Never Did Us Any Harm, Man With Only half A Lung Tells Grandson
That was before they made us wear seatbelts when we were still free?
Musk Embracing Managerial Incompetence Like It’s An Emerging Art Form
The idiot-savant of twattery.
All Man Wants To Know Is Why Faucci Released The Virus
What was in it for him?
Brexiters Outraged The King Has Met A Politician
Rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb?
Taliban Ask Andrew Tate To Be New Minister For Women’s Welfare
The "learned Mr. Tate".
Male Birth Control Pill 100% Effective For Men Who Aren’t Lying About Taking It
The hardest pill to swallow?
SF Asking Voters To Swap Northern Failure For Southern Failure
Blue skies thinking?
DUP Denies It’s In Greater Need Of A Heart Than Boy On Transplant List
Won't somebody think of the party!
America Agrees To Pay Reparations For Emily In Paris
Biden acknowledges pain caused by "unprovoked assault" that Emily in Paris constitutes.
Colossal Earthquake Obviously God’s Punishment For Some Minor Rule Breach
Now look what you've made HIM do!
Bright Side Of The Road Closed Until Further Notice
Van the man won't be happy.
Police Reject Candidate Who Isn’t Turned On By Corpse Pics
"Working together for a safer London".
Marie Kondo To Spend More Time With Her Money
"The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up" - Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!
The Minister For Lip Service To Broken Promises Will See You Now
Turn left at the Office for Foot Dragging and Kite Flying?
Fish Put Back In Water After Being ‘Abducted By Aliens’
They could be watching us right now!
Motorcyclist Thrown Over Handlebars Still Experiencing Amazing Sense Of Freedom
He's never experienced so much freedom!
Stoner Loner’s Painful Boner, Leads To Prolonged Epic Moaner
If he'd had a girlfriend, he could have shown her?
Nobody Knows More About Contempt Than I Do, Enoch Burke Tells Court
Or involuntary celibacy...
“My Personal Healthcare Choices Should Be As Private As My Wife’s Tax Affairs Once Were” – Sunak
Just another winter's tale!
Man Who’s ‘Not Getting Anything Off This New Weed’, Just Passed Out
Somebody should tell his face?
A Beginner’s Guide To Embroidery By George Santos
Anyone for Liar's Poker?
Residents’ Association Watching You, Asshole!
We watch everyone, so you don't have to!
Local Paper Exposes Cruelty Behind Christmas Tree Farming
Remember, a tree is just for Christmas, not all year round.
Prince Andrew Swears He Won’t Be A ‘Handsy’ Santa This Christmas
Cold, cold Christmas?
Man Planning To Pretend FTX Gift Vouchers Still Worth Something
Because it's better to give (them as presents) than to receive (them as presents).
People Don’t Understand What Football Means To Local Alcoholic
It's very emotional?
Musk Says Voter Fraud Cost Him Twitter Poll
Tweetle-dumb!
Ukrainian Town’s Name Sounds Like An Old Man Trying To Clear His Throat
They don't make it easy!
Ready4Rishi To Restore Trust In Politics By Smashing The Nurses Strike?
We can't afford to play into Putin's hands!
England Quite Relaxed About White Player Missing Penalty
Back of the net!
International Relief Agencies Warned About Irish Snow
Won't somebody please, think of the children?
Irish Times Poll Finds Strong Support For Rejoining The Union
Public said to be poll axed.
Self-Made Man Eager To Share That Information
He ain't called 'selfie' for nothing!
Eric Trump Claims His Father Fought For His Country In Two Wars
Meanwhile, back at Mar-a-Lago...
Spite Is A Renewable Energy
It's "part of what we are"!
Man’s Affair Is Having An Affair
It's the lies he can't stand.
Met Éireann Denies El Niño Began In Mayo
Perpetual home of the 'soft day'.
Serpents Of God Disclose Assets of €57m As Abuse Claims Increase
At play in the fields of God?
Fifa Confirms Players In WC Final Must Convert To Islam
Everyone Qatarred with the same brush.
Man’s Taxes Paid For National Children’s Hospital, Airport Runway And Port Tunnel
Cost overruns every bit as certain as death, taxes.
Hungry Pupils Will Be Taught To Sing Their Troubles Away
Ain't poverty a lark!
Dinner Invite Said Nothing About Taking Your Shoes Off
The cream carpet crowd, strike again!
Man Says Nostradamus Predicted He’d Get Flu
Or maybe one of those 24 hour bug things?
Sleepy Joe Smokes America’s Biggest Ham For The Second Time
Trump appears glazed after results.
McShirty Seen Screaming Into Liffey
Analysts say he's declared war on politics.
Putin Threatens To Go Scuba Diving Again To Restore Russian Army’s Reputation
He didn't rule out some more barechested horse riding either.
Fianna Fail Paralysed By McShirty Row
HQ denies McShirty's departure has raised the party's IQ.
McSharry No Longer Speaking To Himself
"He's left me no option," he told reporters, "he's pure thick!"
My Second Best Vomit
A little vomit can sometimes help to rebalance a relationship?
PIGS In Space With First Irish Satellite
In space, no one can hear you squeal.
Woman Remembers The Good Old Days When Everyone Had TB
"But I wasn't good and I wasn't old!"
Truss Latest To Be Voted Out Of The House
The PM's 'holiday from reality' is well and truly over now.
Shop Assistant Too Wasted For Small Talk
Or chitchat.
Truss Says She’s Now Prepared To Be Popular
Because sometimes you simply have to be prepared to do the easy thing?
Police Confirm No Suspects In Death Of Angela Lansbury
But fans say "Something very sinister is going on!"
A TG4 Newsreader Is Not A Celebrity
Until they move to a bigger station?
Jump In Price Of Mica Sends Cost Of Children’s Hospital Soaring
Builder's crack!
Unelected Millionaire To Tell Poor They’re Not Doing Poverty Right
Wrap yourself in the flag if you're not warm enough.
Putin Says Last Oligarch’s Death “Really Was Accidental”
Accidents will happen? He's said it often enough...
We’ve Heard Enough From Experts, Truss Tells IMF
They said we were crazy when we proposed Brexit and look at us now!
Trump Classifies Entire Democratic Party Ahead Of Midterms
Makes you think.
NI Census: Still More Pricks Than Kicks
Basically, the place is a giant pin cushion?
Britain Leads The World At Pageantry Because The World Couldn’t Give A Toss About Pageantry
They never tell you who came second, do they?
Enoch Burke Fails To Get Court Order Cancelling Free Speech
Is that too much to ask?
Queen’s Death: Were The Jews Responsible?
I think we should be told!
Man Recalls Time The Queen Said Something
Because you wouldn't forget a thing like that...
Putin Says UK Needs A Democratically Elected PM, Not A ‘Golf Club President’
President of Shetland Islands golf club responds by issuing Putin with a 'lifetime ban'.
Brexit Britain ‘Free At Last’ To Frolic In Its Own Filth
More than 400,000 discharges of untreated sewage in one year.
Irish Times Wins ‘Natural Home Of Middle-Class Angst’ Award For A Record Breaking 36th Year
Aka the 'something must be done' award
Hardly Worth A Landlord’s While Being In Politics These Days
Has it really come to this?
Robert Troy: “If I Didn’t Read The Rules, How Can I Be Accused Of Breaking Them?”
It's a fair question.
Minister Has Nothing Left To Hide Because The Media Have Seen To That
And he'd like to sincerely thank them for helping him get his affairs in order.
Bishop Sick Of All This Turn The Other Cheek Crap
Detest the sin, love the sinner? Who came up with that beaut!
Trump Supporter Has Had It With Those JackBooted Thugs From The Vincent De Paul
And their 'ethical extortion" rackets!
Tory Hunger Games Move To Northern Ireland
Truly the gift that keeps on giving...
No 10 To Support Free Speech By Censoring Critics
Land of Woke and Tory?
Johnson Accused Of Behaving Like A Frenchman
Churchill was never accused of that!
President’s Wife Says She Wasn’t Elected To Be Silent
Bien-pensant?
The Arab Islands, The Cliffs Of Moherfucker And Milftown Malbay
Staycation plus inflation, leads to deflation.
Driverless Police Car, Chases Driverless Car
Things will never be the same again. At least not until the next time.
Rees-Mogg Urges Leadership Contenders To “Keep It Creepy”
And forget the footwear fetish?
Democrats Too Busy Worrying If They’re Being Unfair To Somebody, To Get Their Act Together
What about Joe Manchin, are we being unfair to Joe?
Bonfire Builder To Be Cremated Atop Pyre He Died Helping To Build
Those whom the Gods love, die young.
“Your Chagall’s Worth Shag All,” Woman Told
And that's not a shaggy dog story.
NUIG To Be Renamed UG – Loss Of Letters ‘N’ And ‘I’ Blamed On “Cutbacks”
Research shows graduates thought NUIG stood for Nobody Understands Its Governing Body.
Varadkar Accuses Doherty Of Mitching, Stealing Apples & Smoking Behind School Bike Shed
Info taken from FG's 'Secret Dossier'.
Alito Teaches Rednecks Meaning Of “Egregiously” By Using Egregiously Wrong Example
Egregious allegiance?
Trump: “I Win Anyway Because I Stuffed The Supreme Court!”
Says "Mission accomplished!"
Famous People Are Never Happy, Says Man Who’s Watched ‘A Star Is Born’ 8 Times
Especially comedians?
The Tide Comes In Twice A Day, So A Line In The Sand Only Lasts Twelve Hours
Just like sandcastles?
President Accused Of Breaking Official Secrets Act By Referring To Housing Crisis
The gov's pain in the Áras.
Daily Mail Strongly Supports Rant By Daily Mail
Nobody saw that coming!
Bojo’s Lost His Mojo
Consensus is, you can't put lipstick on a pig, never mind a 'greased piglet'.
Johnson Forgives Sue Gray
Reluctantly and not without major reservations!
Churchill Made Sense Of Chaos, Johnson Is Chaos
No matter how many chase after a greased piglet, it can never be accused of leading them.
Local Man Donates His Old Underwear To Ukraine
They were wearing thin anyway?
Derry Girls Dictionary: All The Slang Explained
Things like a Tayto Cheese & Onion sandwich?
Musk Says Flight Attendant Never Truly Loved His Scarred, Tattooed Penis
"I call him 'the Donald'," Musk revealed. "True story!"
Wagatha: Winner To Meet Amber Heard In The Final
Depp: "I'd buy tickets to that!"
Harry Styles Feels Most Beautiful When He’s Asleep
It's 'a moment,' ok?
Asylum Seekers To Be Flown To Africa To “Save Them From Trafficking”
Rees-Mogg worried Patel will oust him from his current position as the Tory party's monster-in-chief.
NUIG ‘Klingon’ Row Splits Board
They're on the starboard bow!
Turf Burning To Be Restricted To Areas Where Turf Is Burned
But the ban on burning turf in areas where turf is not burned, to go ahead.
Putin Says “Haters Gonna Hate”
Biden responds with awesome take down.
Neutrality: We’ve Tried Everything Else, Coveney Says, We Might As Well Try Honesty
When all else fails...
What To Do When Your Ex Makes A 40-Under-40 List
After the weeping has stopped, obviously.
Putin Joins Truth Social After Trump Reassures Him About The Truth Part
Who can't handle the truth?
“You’re Not An International Woman” No Excuse For Ignoring International Women’s Day
So that's three times a lady.
Truth Is The First Casualty Of Boris Johnson
"The thing about Boris," a former admirer said, "is that he'll always let you down."
Britain Leads World’s Slowest Crackdown On Oligarchs
It ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it?
I Worry About America, Says Rape Accused
And what it might do to me.
“Nazis” Working Closely With Israel To Evacuate Jews
You can't trust them!
“But I’m Churchill,” Wails Boris, “Not Zelenskiy”
I shall never surrender.
I Don’t Know What A Brothel Smells Like Either, Says Jeffrey Donaldson
Donaldson & Beattie go on military manoeuvres.
Specsavers Offer Jim Allister Free Eye Test
National Federation of the Blind denies it has offered to teach him braille.
Alan Kelly Resignation: Public Shocked To Learn He Was Labour Leader
It's all water under the bridge now.
7 Things Zelenskiy And Putin Have In Common
Both have been filmed shirtless.
We’re All Ukrainians Now, Says Irishman Refusing To Order Girlfriend A ‘Black Russian’ Cocktail
He's not going to play Russian roulette either.
Say What You Like About Putin But At Least He’s A Christian Who Firmly Believes In The Death Penalty
But say it very quietly...
“I Know A Liar When I See One,” Johnson To Tell Putin
Biden said to be amused by PM's 'novel stance'.
Rees–Mogg: “I Didn’t Know What ‘Oven–Ready’ Brexit Meant Because Nanny Does All The Cooking”
He really is a 'member'.
Sean Fleming Opens Up About His Learning Disability
"It's not a disability, it's a gift".
‘Why Does Everything Happen To Me?’ Wonders Simon ‘Calamity’ Coveney
It's absolutely gas
From Ryanair To Swineair – Carrier Voted Worst Short-Haul Airline
"Fuck off," Michael O'Leary explained.
Mary Lou’s Eyebrow Flickers Briefly, In Move Not Sanctioned By IRA Council
Or the Vatican either, for that matter.
World In Shock After Unionist Cracks Passable Joke
Whither unionism now?
Fat Cat In Flat Cap, Makes Another Fake Flap
Healy-Rae fails to make hay.
Trump Says He Will Ask His Boss Not To Invade Ukraine
He should be Putin jail.
You Won’t Believe What Happened Next, Drone Operator Chuckles
Laughing just to keep from crying.
Nobody Warned Me I Was Breaking My Own Rules
And you can take that to thee, ah, thee bank, as it were.
Millionaires Say Focus On Billionaires Damaging Their Self-Esteem
They got more money than a horse has hair!
Awky Momo For Royal Yoyo
As Queen gives him the finger.
Doctors Hoping To Put A Human Heart Into Boris Johnson
But no guarantee he'll accept it.
Mayo To Be Renamed ‘Rooney Country’
She's 'part of what we are'.
If Even One Person Can Learn From Woman’s Mistake, She’ll Be Happy
Husband 'seriously' doubts that.
Why Christmas Is A Special Time For Ian Bailey
He's found the greatest love of all, inside of him.
Farmers Not Happy About Something
Nation in shock!
Man Who Bit Off Player’s Ear “Done An Awful Lot For Under-21 Football”
For the countaaay!
Film Critic Unmoved By Pre-Flight Safety Video
Curiously unengaging performance from two industry veterans.
Old Man Used To Be A New Man
But it's all over now.
New Motorcycle Owner Wants Unbelievable Freedom Of Riding In Single File
Get your motor running...
Death Of Dairy Farmer’s Son Who Milked Ireland
We didn't deserve him. (We really didn't!)
Nigel ‘Fool Me Twice’ Farage, Fooled Twice
What are the odds?
Man Willing To Do That Job Where You Have To Spit Out Wine
Or any of those "beats working" jobs, for that matter.
SF Offer Hunger Strike Musical For NI Celebration
Spoiler alert: Everyone dies but they win in the end.
Man Found Masturbating In Aldi, “Very Comfortable With His Sexuality”
Consumerism's all about instant gratification.
Man Who Crashed Into Police Station Is The Real Victim
No point in playing the blame game.
Woman Steps Outside Her Comfort Zone To Laugh Extra Hard At Boss’s Inane Joke
Shoot me now and get it over
Her Majesty Will Be Offended If I Don’t Get A Window Seat, Donaldson Tells Stewardess
And the terrorists will have won?
Woman Who Was ‘Proud To Be Unmasked, Unmuzzled And Unvaccinated’, Muzzled For Ever Now
One less Trump voter?
Children Refuse To Confirm Boris Johnson Their Father
Famously tight-lipped about their paternity.
Woman Who Thought She Was Dating A Priest, Learns He Was Just A Guy Wearing His Dead Uncle’s Clothes
How could it have been wrong when it felt so right?
People Who Once Objected To Presidential Visits, Now Demanding Presidential Visits
As consistently inconsistent, as ever.
Anti-abortion Advocate Wants Right To Choose When It Comes To Vaccine
In a way, it's progress?
Where Do You Stand On The Whole Nicki Minaj’s Cousin’s Friend’s Swollen Balls Debate?
Because we need to know.
Senator Wants Child Tax Credits Tied To Adorable Street Urchins Who Can Sing And Dance
It's meritocracy, basically.
Texan Who Takes His Mobile Everywhere, Refuses To Be “Tracked By The Vaccine”
With a Yeee and a hawww.
There Are No Losers Here Today, Winner Tells Losers
But only one of us is taking the trophy home?
I Too Was Sceptical When I First Heard About This Amazing New Product, Says Salesman Selling New Product
And I'm as sceptical as the next guy.
German Woman Whose Letters Never Arrived, Now Knows Why It’s Pronounced ‘Un Post’
Spat On is an anagram of An Post, btw?
Acid Reflux: What It Is And How To Avoid Ryan Tubridy
It's a gut feeling.
Death Of First Man To Say Shite On The Radio
Say what you like but whatever you say...
Judge Refuses To ‘Blame It On The Boogie’
"Beat it," judge tells defendant.
The Ballad Of Brave Sir Jeffrey
Feared he not to tilt at windmills.
Spending On Union Flags To Double In Response To Fall Of Kabul
That'll show the bloody French!
Man Just Following His Pecker Around
...the one-eyed man is king!
‘Guardian Reader’ Is Not An Occupation, Jobseeker Told
It's more of a principle, really.
People “Way Too Smart To Believe The BBC”, Way Too Stupid To Find It
For the truth shall set ye free...
Met Éireann Blames Status Yellow Rain Warning On “Covid-19”
May also be to blame for El Niño.
Ireland ‘One Of World’s Five Best Places’ To Survive Next Collapse Of Irish Society
Otherwise known as the homelessness crisis?
Support For A Border Poll To Be Made A Hate Crime
Our friends in the north.
People With Bigger Noses Demand A Bigger Mask
Their noses are out of joint.
Papal Anus Getting Millions Of Hits
Biggest anus in history, says Vatican.
Truthteller Gonna Let One Slide
Because it's "not her truth"?
Woman Looking At Methane Capture System For Husband
She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie...methane!
Judaeo-Christian God So Weak He Needs GOP’s Protection
The Democrats won't lift a hand to defend the Almighty!
Conspiracy Theorist Just Wants To Know Why 88 Year Old Man Died
Like, why would a man who is nearly 90, just die like that? The Clintons were probably behind it.
Blueshirt Barrister Besieged By Ivana Batshit
An embarrassment of riches??
Queen To Get Completely Wankered Tonight
It's thought she'll break the habit of a lifetime and have a second Babycham.
Royal Fantasising About Bloodbath That Would Make Him King
Now that would really kill on Oprah.
Donaldson Hoots As Poots Scoots
And he shall reap the bitter fruits.
Naked Hypocrisy Of “Wee” Sammy
More naked hypocrisy .
True Value Of The Sun Was Always Zero
Sunset for the Dirty Diggers dodgiest daily?
‘Lad With A Biro In Dublin’ Must Be Dealt With
Six All Irelands in a row 'gone to their heads altogether'.
Those Who Always Said The Innocent Have Nothing To Worry About, Not Saying It Now
But it would be in very poor taste to point that out.
Apparently It’s Empowering For Your Teenage Daughter To Dress Like A Whore
And then lorry down a naggin of vodka...
Woman Will Only Read Book She Objects To When It’s Banned
Some things never change.
Stegosaurus’ Sour Guest
Jurassic arse sparks larks.
Martin Blames Housing Crisis On Cyber Attack
Fr. Martin
Pat Kenny’s Wife Confirms He’s Very Much His Own Man
If he knows what's good for him.
Grateful World Thanks DUP For Its Silence
They say it best, when they say nothing at all...
Battle For Soul Of GOP Delayed By Last Minute Search For Soul Of GOP
Growing fears it may have been sold...
Man Not Sure What He Ever Did To Montezuma
Holy guacamole, this gringo's feeling lowly.
That Little Girl Was Me, Kamala Harris Screams At Little Girl Selling Lemonade
Did the president call?
Northern Ireland Warned Of ‘Dangerous Political Vacuum’ In Boris Johnson
No-show Bojo, continues to lie low.
Mayo To Get Dial-Up Internet Access
Whether they want it or not!
Monkey Hotly Denies It Doesn’t Know Any Bowie Songs
On Mars, there won't be any "Life on Mars".
Work Underway On Covid Website That Will Crash When Public Try To Use It
In keeping with best international practice.
Penniless Outsider Who Adapted Well To A Life Of Great Wealth And Privilege
But could have had a career in the navy instead...
Sincerity Rears Its Ugly Head
Red Hand of Ulster, caught in the till of protestant probity.
Town Slightly Nearer To Dublin Looks Down On Town Slightly Farther From Dublin
Not just a 'bend in the road'.
Navy Seal Will Take No More Female Prisoners
And none were harmed in the making of this commercial.
There Is No Such Thing As Luminous Prose, Man Screams At The Irish Times
Still no word on the manuscript then...
Man Drinking In Airport Bar Has Seen Things He Doesn’t Want To Talk About, Ok?
Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot?
Don’t Make Same Mistakes I Made, Says Alcoholic Who Can’t Recall The Mistakes He Made
Reckons he probably did it his way but...not entirely sure about that either?
And Then I Told The NHS It Was The Best We Could Do!
Angels don't need money.
We May Never Know The Truth, Says Minister Feeding Documents Into Paper Shredder
Rejects suggestion the Green party is "just Fine Gael on bikes".
Harry To Oprah: ‘I Have No Idea What Our Dreams Are, Only Meghan Knows’
Meghan details couple's extensive wish list.
Oh No I’ve Ruined It, Says Mom Trying To Tell Joke
It's the way you tell 'em.
Queen’s Joke “Proves” She Hasn’t Lost Her Sense Of Humour
Judging by unconvincing tabloid accounts of its 'famous' sharpness.
Former Governor Of Bank Of England Would “Rather Be Seen In Prison Than In Pontins”
Prison looks more comfortable.
Eamon ‘Skullduggery’ Ryan FTW
Members feeling 'green about the gills' over museum row.
Local Man Would Really Like To Punch HR Guy’s Lights Out
Who wouldn't.
Now Look What You Made Me Do, Man Screams At Wife
Forty going on four and a half.
We Used To Have An Empire Says Englishman Whose Car Won’t Start
But then everyone 'Brexited' from it!
83% Of Nurses Who Work In Empty Hospitals Don’t Believe In The Virus
Difficult to reach group raising concerns.
Single Woman Who Likes A Good Cry, Looking Forward To Bawling Eyes Out On Valentine’s Night
Planning to call her mother first and get that out of the way early.
If The Deep State Really Exists, Then Why Couldn’t It Prevent Trump Impeachment Trial
Deep state of disbelief required.
UK Aghast Weapons It Sold To Pariah State Used In Coup
Shaken but not stirred.
Vaccinated Woman Claims Zombies Just Run Past Her Now
Doesn't realize they're just maskholes.
Court Spares Man Who Has Whole Life Of Racism In Front Of Him
Judge doesn't know Wright from wrong.
Nobody Knows What Colour The Sky Is, On Marjorie Taylor Greene’s World
Could she be the new Trump?
AstraZeneca CEO Says It’s Amazing What You Can Find Down The Back Of A Sofa
From the millionaire who criticised 'me first' attitude of some.
Castlebar Man Not Sold “A Gay Computer”
Beaton around the bush.
Patriarchy Objects To Stereotyping By Women Who Should Be At Home Rearing Their Children
If it really has to be said.
Boris Voted Britain’s Biggest Cockwomble
Seen as a clown, not a Churchill.
QAnon Renames Itself QOnan After Poll Of Members Favourite Activity
Members advised they can 'stop when they need glasses'.
Five Years Sober. Can I Bore The Hole Off You About It?
It just feels longer.
The Special Meaning Behind Biden’s Inauguration Outfit
One that sent a powerful message to the world.
White House Pardons All Of Trump’s Allies
Insiders say White House photocopiers were printing pardons late into the night.
The Guy Did Something Like That In The Bible Once?
And everyone said he was legend.
Is It Wrong To Say Miss Bum Bum Has ‘One Hell Of An Ass’?
It's not easy being a bum, especially in this contest.
Martin Addresses Covid Issue On Everyone’s Lips: St Patrick’s Day Trip To White House
News pushes covid death toll off the front pages.
Try This Simple Trick To Eliminate Dust – Turn On The Vacuum Cleaner
It works every time!
Maskhole “Just Wants To Know What They’re Not Telling Us?”
Why won't they tell us what they won't tell us?
Man Whose Wife Told Him ‘You’re Not Getting Pulled Chicken’, Wants To Know If They’re Still Talking About Food
Because if not, that wouldn't be funny.
Habeas Brexit
Produce the 'sunny uplands'.
Gardai Say It Was ‘Only Fair’ To Shoot Man Without Gun, With Guns They Were Given To Shoot At People With Guns
Racism 'played no part' in decision to execute black guy who wasn't carrying a firearm.
Harder To Dispose Of A Body Over The Festive Season Than You’d Think, Wife Tells Best Friend
The first cut is the deepest.
Man Planning Selfless Act Surprised By How Much Self He Actually Has
But still, probably much less than most people...
The State’s Next Apology
Smear test?
The Carry On Cockney Pearly Queen With A Heart Of Gold Who Shagged A Kray And One Of The Bee Gees
The Barbara Windsor I knew zzzzzz.
Woman Beating Man At Something In Movie, As Unexpected As The Kid Who Has Cancer Being Elected Class President
You just never see that on tv?
WWII Bomber On Moon Stolen By China
Trump said to be incandescent - even if he can't spell it.
Unionist Outraged At Being Reminded NI Not British
The Kilclooney looney.
No Hurry With Moon Rocks, World Tells China
Take all the time you need!
Manufacturing Happy To Continue Rape Of Earth So Your TV Snacks Come Individually Wrapped In Plastic
Those worms that eat plastic will sort it all out, won't they?
Celebrity Chefs Race To Be First To Cook New Species Of Monkey
Natives say the meat on this monkey's ass tastes better than the meat on any other type of monkey's ass.
“Is This A Hill You Want To Die On?” Priest Asks 5-Year-Old Having Tantrum
Because acting isn't hard, dying is hard.
Woman Was Under The Impression She Owned A Waterproof Jacket
It ain't called driving rain for nothing.
Post Trump Stress Disorder Sweeps America
The Orange Order is over but its effects will long be felt.
Giuliani Calls Narnia For Trump
Says its 2,141 electoral college votes will carry him over the line.
Varadkar Appears In Zorro Costume For Dáil Statement
Vows he will apologize to no one for his exceptional humility.
Ireland Says Thanks For Putting Us Back In Lockdown, Conspiracy Dicks
Give yourselves a big pat on the back.
Tell Me Again The Difference Between Homiesexual, Homosexual and Metrosexual, Mother Asks Teenage Son
Because you can be anything you want?
Man Wearing Mask Under Nose Blames Students For Spread Of Virus
Also convinced the gov is clueless.
It Isn’t. Are You?
The 'lapdog Lebedevs' should be Putin jail.
Dog Dragging Its Balls Along Carpet ‘Understands Every Word Woman Says’
It's called 'scooting'.
Paris Hilton Campaign To Prove She’s “Not An Airhead” Has Some Way To Go
Main stumbling block is its subject.
Coronavirus Moved By Support Received In Fight Against You-Know-Who
Too early to tell if it will be successful.
Second Confirmed Case Of Coronavirus In A Pig
GOP thought to be at particular risk of developing porcine respiratory coronavirus.
Viable Device Found By Husband Who’s Not
Ordinance surveyed.
Trump’s Biggest Lie Visible From International Space Station
He couldn't lie straight in bed.
Soldier Recalls Iraqi Kids He Gave Chocolate To Had ‘Ugly Sense Of Entitlement’
In the end, it just makes you bitter.
Woman Thinks “World Would Be A Far Better Place, If We Were All Just A Little Bit Nicer To Each Other”
'Money won't make you happy' & and other excruciating banalities.
EU Country Says If EU Was Planning To Blockade Part Of It Then EU Country Would Probably Know About It
Pinocchio PM strikes again!
Boy Hanging From Window Ledge Can’t Wait To See Which Superhero Saves Him
A boy can dream, can't he!
Man Who Looks Like Shroud Of Turin Has No Idea Why He’s Stopped And Searched So Often
This blue 'line' is pretty thin.
Deputy Noel Grievance ‘Still Waiting’ For Clarification On Inaccurate World Bank Figures
Unable to sleep with worry.
Donald Tantrum Strikes Again!
He 'never lies'?
Wife Cancelled Date Night Even Though Husband Had Already Brushed Teeth
Romance has broke down.
Parish History Omits Time Fr Mike Blew The Bingo Fund At The Galway Races
The Lord works in mysterious ways...the bastard!
Ed Sheeran Announces Arrival Of First Hobbit Born In Captivity
World first for Britain.
Incredible New Anti-Snoring Device Takes Ireland By Storm
Why not try it on your husband tonight?
Gov Using A Torch To Search For Darkness
Public being treated like mushrooms...
New Trumpadvisor Site To Rate President’s Lunacies
Top Ten Things To Do To Stop Him.
Asian Couple Name Son “CEO Amir Patel” To Give Him ‘Headstart In Business’
A little push never hurt anyone.
Doheny & Nesbitt School Of Economics, Badly Hit By Economics
Fashionable Dublin 2 watering hole, no longer watering holes like it used to.
Eamon ‘I, Robot’ Ryan
Whatsapp group also dubs Green leader 'Autopilot Eamon'.
Loyalists Confuse EU Flag With Isis Flag…Again
Ulster says "No?"
Trump Support Among Married First Cousins In Freefall
Never upset people who can count to 11 on their fingers.
Man Singing ‘My Heart Will Go On’ Suffers Cardiac Arrest
It always goes on until it doesn't.
UK Like ‘A Leper Threatening To Shun Flu Victims’
Or the Black Knight saying 'None shall pass' in the Holy Grail.
For Once, Boris Pulls Out!
There's a first time for everything.
Given Rape Is No Longer An Offence In England & Wales, Is There Any Chance A Cell Could Be Found For A Sex Pest MP?
Because there ought to be plenty of room...
Mayor’s Job “One Step Up From Being Town’s Most Colourful Drunk”
Virtual mayoralty even worse than actual mayoralty.
New Doctor First Black Man To See Irish Woman’s Tits
Private lives and high fives of Galway's suburban housewives.
British Democracy Safe Johnson Says Because “I Never Let A Woman Urinate On Me Like Trump Did”
Fat cats (pictured) say democracy in Moscow-on-Thames, safe as their off-shore accounts.
Stephen Collins Accuses Newton Emerson Of Being ‘Soft On Sinn Féin’
High ground vs high horse.
Turns Out Mass Death Is Worse For Economy Than Mass Unemployment
Who'd a thunk it!
Scotland ‘Top Target’ For Political Interference By Johnson Regime
Johnson personality cult brooks no opposition.
North Korea Furious As America Retakes No 1 ‘Joke-Leader’ Slot
Decisive win for Trump over 'barking' North Korean leader, after extended period of leapfrogging in international ratings.
No Accountant Was Harmed In The Making Of This Movie
For which we apologize unreservedly.
Student Who Made Mockingbird Pie ‘In Honour of Harper Lee’, Admits He Never Read The Book
But still doesn't understand what all the fuss is about.
Cowen Forced To Deny He Was Man Gardai Found Being Whipped On Buttocks
Says he wasn't the man who broke the bank at Monte Carlo either.
Foster Urges Loyalists To Move Their Sectarian Hatred Online In Order To Meet Virus Restrictions
We must move forward without forgetting the past.
It’s All Over For Big Jack Who’s Headed Home After Final Whistle Blown On Game Of Two Halves That Went Into Extra Time It Is Now
The Jack Charlton I knew off the telly.
BLM Ennis Threaten To Make Town ‘Ungovernable’ If America Does Not Change
Ennis says no to 'status quo'.
Amber Heard Found Guilty Of Witchcraft
Explosive Sun trial revelation!
Cowen ‘Profoundly Sorry’ He Got Caught
In 'all sincerity'.
Committee Set Up To Establish Which Part Of Ireland Kanye West’s Ancestors Come From In Case Of White House Run
Probably somewhere near Birr.
Roger Would Be So Disappointed – Elizabeth Ailes
But Fox News is the real victim here.
Big Oil Wants You To Know It’s Hurting Too
So maybe it's time to talk about 'supporting democracy'?
America Paid Militants To Kill Soldiers But That Was, Like, Back In Olden Times?
Remember these guys?
Fuck The Lot A Ye, Screams Mary Coughlan
Only kidding, says Shantalla chanteuse.
Man Usually Gets His Wife’s Way In The End
Father's Day confession.
Man Arrested For Calling 999 To Report Theft of Air Guitar
The road has a way of making you crazy.
Boris Killed Londoners Faster Than Hitler
Churchill wannabe worse than Adolf.
GOP Unable To Come To The Phone Right Now
They have a thing going on?
‘Normal People’ Pollution Reaches Earth’s Last Wilderness
Which character are you & other idiotic toss.
My Nine Year Old Son Is Depressed In His Bedroom. Should I Let Him Out?
Parenting during the lockdown
I Like To Think Of Us As One Big, Happy Family, Says CEO Who’s About To Fire Everyone.
Is it one of the hardest things he's ever had to do? We may never know.
Quarantine Means “The Terrorists Have Won”
PandeMick O'Leary is really quite sweary.
Man Who Gets Hard-On Every Time A Woman Cries, Can’t Break Up With Girlfriend
It's called Dacryphilia
Meat Loaf Told ‘Bat Out Of Hell’ Not Appropriate As Charity Single For Covid Research
Singer considering legal action.
“Call The Midwife,” Screams Constipated Castlebar Man
"I'm starting to crown!"
New Press Secretary Caught Lying On First Day
But manages to keep a straight face
“Have You Tried The Wire Brush?” Trump Asks Birx
You need to get it before the other two guys.
Trump Jr. Rips Son For Asking “What Did You Do In The War Daddy?”
Ask not what he did for his country...
Breda O’Brien: Sometimes I Have Impure Thoughts About Pope Francis
That neither of us, would ever act upon.
Queen Praises Britain, Britain Praises Queen
That's how it works.
Are You On Vodafone’s ‘Pray As You Go’ Plan?
Because we care.
Turmoil After Covid Rejects A Pig Like Trump But Accepts A Swine like Johnson
He's not hamming it up now though, is he!
“Balcony Bingo? Sure It Writes Itself!” Cackles Roddy Doyle
A licence to print
The Revenue Will Cut You Some Slack But Not Sky
Company's meaningless motto - "Believe in better" - a perfect cipher for the times we live in.
Man Will Lamp Next One To Mention 1918 Flu Pandemic
Or take his own life!
What The BBC Doesn’t Want You To Know About The Virus
The British Fraudcasting Corporation?
Coronavirus “God’s Punishment” For Letting Gay Couple On DWTS
It can only be a matter of time.
Flood-Weary Farmer Switches To Freshwater Prawn Production
You have to go with the flow.
Hospital Food “Did Not Kill Mouse”
So...not a danger mouse
Why Laboratory Assistants Are Social Lepers
Most live in a social leper colony.
Flat-Earther Makes Earth A Little Flatter
Pilot a hot contender for this year's Ig Noble prize.
Buy A ‘Vagina Candle,’ Woman Tells Ex, Because That’s As Near As You’ll Get
A candle in the wind?
Ireland In Grip Of Democracy Virus
Micheál Martin latest party leader to become infected.
Dominic Cummings Penis Transplant
Another historic first for Brexit
Castlebar Knew Her ‘When She Was Nobody’
And nobody knows it better.
Senator Noone To Raise Awareness That “You Can’t Say Anything”
Not even homo or knacker!
Trump Calls Baghdadi’s Wife ‘Baghmammy’
Mrs Baghdaddi, pictured on the right, out shopping with friends.
Irish Times Amazed By Irishman Living Abroad
"I'm living abroad," he confirms.
Not A Good Idea To Light A Campfire To Pray For Rain, Australians Told.
For the love of Jesus!
Peter Sick Of Being Robbed To Pay Paul
And robbed twice at Christmas.
Where Are Your Children, Don’t You Know The Sally Gap Is Closed?
Emergency services issue advisory notice declaring the incident a 'legitimate excuse to leave work early and get pissed on the way home' event.
Boris: ‘More Than Happy’ To Do Andrew Neil Interview Now.
'As I always said I would'.
If You Break Your Leg Under A Labour Government, It’ll Hurt More, Boris Claims
PM overheard lying to pensioner
‘Michael Jackson Done It All The Time,’ No Excuse For Rubbing Your Balls In Public, Judge Tells Man
Claims Princess Diana was a known fan of Jackson's 'crotch grab' manoeuvre.
Boris Johnson ‘About As Convincing As A Hypnotist Who Smokes’
One who wants to know if you've been working out lately?
Man Longs For Day When He Can Resent Intrusion Into Private Life That Fame Brings
It's good to have a goal.
Rapper TI Promises Daughter’s Hymen Check Will Be Biannual From Now On
Public's reaction on a par with the winter vomiting bug.
Fair City Extra Recalls Time Gaybo Completely Ignored Him In A Lift
You couldn't make it up!
Woman Would Definitely Ride ‘The Hot Priest’
Sideways, never mind 'front and back'!
The Gear I Brought Back From ‘The Dam’ In My Ass
You learn a lot about yourself when you have to decide how much of anything you can shove up your rectum.
Man Who Didn’t Suffer Fools Gladly, Was ‘Just Another Dick’
Prone to pique and pissfits.
Sinéad O’Connor Reportedly Strong Enough To Contemplate Another Two Week Marriage
The Husbands of Sinead O'Connor group warn against any further expansion of their number without extra funding
Man With No Shoes, Unmoved By Sight Of Man With No Feet
Firmly rejects any suggestion of causal link between other people's disabilities and his own mood
Without The Alcohol That Prevented Him Realizing All His Ambitions, Man Discovers He No Longer Has Any Ambitions
He's not entirely sure he has a personality either, if he's completely honest.
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