Clarence Thomas: “As A Supreme Court Justice, I’m Often Asked ‘How Can You Afford A Solid Gold Lawnmower’?”

“Ha, ha, ha,” my wife Ginny usually replies, “‘mind your own Goddamn business!’ Gin is such a hoot! But seriously, I don’t mind being asked questions like that, so long as nobody questions my answer? And my answer is always the same, ‘Not because I’m on the take, that’s for sure’!”

CatMelodeonNews sat down today with SC Judge Clarence Thomas for a deep dive into how he handles ethical conflicts with his many wealthy contacts while juggling their cases. “That solid gold lawnmower is a darn good place to start,” Justice Thomas said. “That was given to me by the Republican mega-donor Harlan Crow, ahead of an important ruling? Now, Harlan’s a dear, dear friend of mine and we go way back. But did it influence my lone dissenting opinion in his favour? Not one little bit. Because I already liked him before he gave it to me.”

Judge Thomas then showed us the diamond studded, matching life jackets billionaire H. Wayne Huizenga gave the couple. “We only spent one month on his superyacht in the Bahamas but he said ‘You know the Libs will claim I put your lives at risk if I don’t insist you wear these at all times?’ and he was right. That’s exactly what the Goddamn libs would have said, if we hadn’t put them in our suitcases when we were leaving. He said ‘Clarence, you just can’t win with these people, so you’re better off not trying’.”