Religious leaders in Australia have asked ‘churchgoers’ not to light fires after dark, if they’re gathering to pray for rain.
“In the name of Jesus,” their statement said, “we need rain, not more fire, you can’t fight fire with fire!”
Or as the Southern Queensland archbishop’s commissary Reverend Jeremy Greaves privately put it, ‘Potheads and pissheads who wouldn’t know prayer from profanity, are making us look like mules’.
Meanwhile Prime Minister Scott Morrison has confirmed that while the Liberal Party’s fundraising barbecue has been cancelled, the lunch being held in its place would be “a fabulous feast of delicious roast meats”.
“One upside to the fire is all the precooked bush tucker,” he winked, “bags of koala and kangaroo, so let your ears back!”