Obese Hunter ‘Tests His Courage’ Against Distant, Limping, Near Blind Lion

Obese Hunter ‘Tests His Courage’ Against Distant, Limping, Near Blind Lion

“We meet again Simba, my old friend” Boston dentist John “Jumbo” Ryan whispered, before firing an armour-piercing round through an old, limping, near-blind lion, heading in the opposite direction, almost a kilometre away.

Perched on a protected hunting platform on the roof of a land rover and supported by a crew of three local guides ( also armed with state of the art, long distance hunting rifles ) Ryan whooped, as he celebrated his “kill”.

Speaking of the dead animal that had never been aware of the dentist’s existence, he solemnly claimed ‘each of us respected the other’, as he waited for the support crew to deploy the hoist that would safely carry him back to ground level, adding that, “it feels good to be tested in the hunt and not found wanting?” 

“Of course the goddamn liberals can’t understand man’s ancient, primal need to prove his courage in battle”, Jumbo said bitterly, as he wolfed down the low fat, gluten-free meal the cook had swiftly prepared for him on a state-of-the-art mobile barbecue unit. 

On the return journey, the guides wept with laughter in the back, when one whispered “a lion could live off a bloater like this guy, for a whole week”.  

After Ryan inquired what the joke was, the head guide solemnly said “They celebrate your victory sir because they think you may be eligible for a bravery award?” 

When he heard that, Jumbo sat back with a broad smile.