Candidates Flee Higgeldy Piggledy, From Aras Race With President Miggeldy

Candidates Flee Higgeldy Piggledy, From Aras Race With President Miggeldy

Polling on the public’s indifference to the tide of B-listers ‘whose only wish is to serve,’ has prompted a wave of defections from this noble calling.

Barrister Noel Whelan, the latest to announce he won’t run, did so in such intensely ‘legalistic’ language that one paper reported, ‘Niggeldy Won’t Face Miggledy’.

Another ran with, “Micheál Martin Comes Over All Wriggledy (To Stop Bertie Ahern’s Run At The Presidency)”.

The surge of carpetbaggers running, includes candidates seeking to parlay careers in motivational speaking and community activism, into a larger salary.

Some of them, like business man Gavin Duffy, have been described as a ‘charisma free, wannabee’ while Sinn Fein are said to be ‘only interested in free publicity’.

A statement issued earlier today was hurriedly handwritten by the president himself, welcoming all contenders to the race for the park.

One paper characterized it as, “Miggledy: I’ll take on the lot a ye! (Squiggled he.)”