Man Carried Same Unused Poop Bag On Every Dog Walk Since 2012
Neighbours confirm Stephen Ryke (58), has walked the dog with the same poop bag for seven years but never once used it.
The ‘eco’ bag was a gift, they allege, which he uses as ‘urban camouflage’ to deflect attention from curious eyes.
“If you conspicuously carry a poop bag, especially an ‘eco‘ poop bag, everybody assumes you use it, right?” Emma Tyrell said, “It’s genius”.
But Trump apologist Ryke was quite careful, she added, not to let Giuliani shit on his immediate neighbours’ front lawns.
Asked how she could possibly know this, Tyrell said “He told me…he’s actually proud of it!”
While never overly popular, Emma says Ryke’s social standing really plummeted once he began boasting that his grandfather came from Bavaria, “just like President Trump’s”.
“President Trump,” she spat, “who calls that corpse fart ‘President’!”
At time of going to press, she said she wouldn’t be at all surprised if the neighbourhood’s very own Nazi who is now known as ‘the Turd Ryke,’ was anonymously outed on social media by some concerned citizen.