Editor Praying Academic Conference Will “Pull Something Out Of Its Arse,” In Time For Six O’Clock News

LMFM’s News Editor Tom Kenny, whom staff concede does not smell good in warm weather, earlier today expressed alarm at the dire shortage of local news items.

Kenny, who is also the station’s Political Editor, Business Editor, Security Editor, Agriculture Editor and Religious Correspondent, warned that “If the Egghead circus doesn’t pony up in time, we’re brown bread!” 

He stared moodily at the handful of unpaid interns and cranks that make up the LMFM news team, before putting his head in his hands and sighing audibly.

“Somebody give Antsy Nancy a call and see if she’s had any more ‘disturbances’,” he said, referring to the previous week’s top story about a local pensioner who believes her mobile is haunted.

Kenny also instructed that in future, any Bigfoot sightings (reports of mythical creatures like the ‘black seagull’ that turned out to be an overweight crow from the city dump), were to be run by him before being broadcast.

Meanwhile the team stared back at their editor thoughtfully, silently willing him to apply more of the roll-on deodorant he keeps in his bottom drawer but so rarely uses.