“Experts Will Be Asking Us To Believe We’re Descended From Monkeys Next” Warns Gove

“Experts Will Be Asking Us To Believe We’re Descended From Monkeys Next” Warns Gove

The UK’s Environment Secretary Michael Gove, today outlined some of the reasons why the British public have turned their backs on ‘so-called experts’.

“They tell us things like, ‘You can’t catch it off a toilet seat’ or ‘Doing it standing up won’t prevent a pregnancy’ and then can’t understand why we don’t trust them!”

Looking more than ever like a man whose name is not on the sex offenders list, purely because of a legal technicality, Gove reminded Brussels that “experts tried to prevent Henry VIII from beheading two of his wives”.

“Just like foreigners,” he spat, “they will never understand our ways and that is why they shall never win!”