Reports are coming in that farmers are not happy about something but the precise source of their unhappiness, has yet to be clearly identified.
Met Éireann has confirmed that while many are unhappy about the amount of rainfall recently, just as many insist there has been too little. The Catholic church said it is happy to offer masses for either but not at the same time, as that would hit plate collections.
The lack of line dancing classes in remote areas remains a familiar complaint, as does the lack of sympathy for the plight of the small farmer which, apparently, has never once been the subject of a Daniel O’Donnell song.
The Department of Agriculture said an inquiry would be set up just before the next election, in order to close these issues down.
A recent survey by the Farmers Journal found farmers by definition, have a strong aversion to using the word ‘happy’. Currently, the survey found, they’re as unhappy with the government, as they are with the prices being paid for livestock and the shortage of farming related items on The Late Late Show.
In response, the IFA said it was planning to flood the capital with tractor driving farmers next month.
When asked what this would achieve, a spokesman conceded it wouldn’t achieve anything but would ‘upset the Dubs’ and that was good enough for most farmers. It was a shame, he added, that Garth Brooks wouldn’t be playing because “We’d get a mighty turnout then, like”.
When contacted for comment, a government spokesman later sighed, “a parish priest once told me there’s nothing God can’t do…except make the farmers happy”.