Portly Nightclub Bouncer Mick Glashan claimed he narrowly avoided a case of female genital mutilation when an unhappy customer ‘took a violent swing’ at his groin with a large clutch bag.
Glashan was forced to retreat behind a female colleague when the local woman, who addressed him as ‘pancake face,’ demanded to know if he was implying she was ‘bigger than a lepurd’?
Glashan said he’d only been ‘trying to make conversation’ when he told her ‘you can’t come in wearing an animal print dress, if you’re bigger than the animal it represents’.
Glashan’s colleague Paddy Curley told CatMelodeonNews that the atmosphere had turned ‘very icy’ after that. “There wouldn’t be much of the natural diplomat in Mick now, so there wouldn’t,” he suggested. “You’d be wise to take what you get or leave it.”
Curley agreed that the woman had neither taken it nor left it when she started yelling things like, “Ye’ve tree balls on ya, so ya have, talkin’ ta me like dat an’ me in here every night a de week”.
After the nightclub had closed, an aggrieved Glashan nursed a pint while explaining his point of view.
“Twas only a bit a crack like,” he insisted. “People shouldn’t take offence at ‘professional nightclub repartee’.”
“Remember what they said about Elton John when he blew up and put on all that weight? It was ‘Goodbye Normal Jeans’ but ya didn’t hear him complaining about it.”
He then fell silent, moodily reflecting on the night’s events, before rubbing his chin and muttering, “I mean, when ya think about it, the animal-print rule is a basic law of nature.”