I Hope I Die Before Celine Dion Does
The peace and tranquility of The Ramble Inn was disturbed last night when ‘Early drinker’ Thomas Joseph Guiney leapt to his feet and rapped, ‘Celine Dion wrecks my buzz, I hope I die before she does’.
Mr Guiney bowed repeatedly as he sat back down to a smattering of applause while steadfastly refusing calls to “Say a few words on behalf of the small farmer?”
When approached for comment as to why he wished to predecease the singer, he sighed heavily and told CatMelodeonNews “Because as soon as she does, they’ll play her bloody awful records from dawn until dark for a whole week and I really don’t think I could take that.”
Barman Eamon Halligan terminated the interview by tapping the side of a wine glass with a spoon, before conducting the regulars in an impromptu rendition of “Sleen Dion’s immortal hit, ‘My Heart Will Go On’.”
“It’s not immortal,” Guiney replied as he walked towards the smoking lounge, “it’s undead? There is a difference”.