Landlords Will Exit The Market If They Have To Fix The Sewage Leaking Into Your Kitchen
The Association of Landlords, Moneylenders & Greedy Bastards say they will be left with no choice but to evict tenants, “if we have to fix the toilet or get rid of the mould in your bedroom”. Sadly, a spokesman explained, that’s just how the market works.
“Indigenous landlords are the backbone of this country,” he continued, “and without us, you’d be at the mercy of foreign vulture funds who won’t fix your toilet either. Faceless, heartless bastards who won’t make any small talk with you about the weather while they’re extracting…I mean collecting the rent because you’ll never actually meet them? They’re all living in Switzerland, riding young wans and laughing hysterically at your stupidity in getting rid of the decent oul’ Irish landlord who knew you and understood your ways. You’ve heard of the Flight of the Earls, haven’t you? Well, the flight of the landlords would be a thousand times worse for Ireland!”
“Irish tenants would be well advised to consider the ‘personal service’ factor when it comes to deciding who they want to rent from. Today, one of our members picked up the phone and rang his tenants to tell them the rent went up six months ago. Now, what do you think the vulture funds would have done in a situation like that? I’ll tell you. They’d have sent you a solicitor’s letter that you’d have had to pay for on top of the back dated rent increase. That’s another €50 you’d have had to find. So believe me when I tell you, you’ve never had it so good!”