Earlier today while waiting for the kettle to boil, Tyler ‘The Daddy’ McEvaddy briefly allowed himself to savour a favourite daydream.
The 28-year-old smiled, as he anticipated the overnight riches and deeply gratifying controversy that would follow the successful flotation of his planned dating app. AltRightNow would be exclusively restricted to affluent conservative voters.
“The minute we had a successful IPO,” he imagined himself fuming at a frenzied Wall St press conference, “the media descended upon my family, like vultures. Well I’m putting you all on notice – I’m mad as hell and I’m not taking it anymore!”
From then on, no matter how crazy it got, he would always make himself available to the press to brief them on the enormous toll this brave fight-back, was taking on him and his family. His Venezuelan wife, the lingerie model Chica de Souza, was particularly devastated she could no longer slip out for a discrete lunch with the Dalai Lama whenever she liked.
In due course, Time Magazine would tip him for Person of The Year, the internet would ‘break’ and sack loads of book & movie offers, arrive every morning. Developments that he would pretend to find ‘utterly baffling’.
“I resent the intrusion into my private life,” he would eventually tell an adoring Oprah, “I resent it every single day and I will never not resent it!”
But then, just as the unmarried, childless software engineer was about to reveal his ‘tender side’ by pointing out he wasn’t called ‘The Daddy’ because of his success with women, but simply because “it’s what my six month old daughter calls me,” steam came whistling from the kettle and brought him firmly back to earth.
And the realisation that he was going to have to work through the entire weekend, to complete the 1,000 lines of code the rest of the team were waiting for.
The still barely audible applause of Oprah’s audience, completely evaporating, as that unpalatable truth sank in.