Earlier today while waiting for the kettle to boil, Tyler ‘The Daddy’ McEvaddy briefly allowed himself enjoy a favourite daydream.
In it, the unmarried 28-year-old software engineer anticipated the overnight riches and deeply gratifying controversy that would follow the successful flotation of his planned dating app AltRightNow which would be exclusively restricted to affluent conservative voters.
“The minute we had a successful IPO,” he fumed at a frenzied Wall St press conference, “the media descended upon my family, like vultures. Well I’m putting you all on notice – I’m mad as hell and I’m not taking it anymore!”
From then on, no matter how crazy it got, he always made himself available to the media to brief them on the enormous toll this brave fight-back, was taking on him and his family.
Time Magazine tipped him for Person of The Year, the internet ‘broke’ and sack loads of book & movie offers arrived every day. Developments that were, he calmly remarked, ‘utterly baffling’.
“I resent the intrusion into my private life,” he eventually told a blubbering, emotionally incontinent Oprah, “I resent it every single day and I will never not resent it”.
But just as he was about to reveal his ‘tender side’ to her by pointing out he wasn’t called ‘The Daddy’ because of his success with women but because “it’s what my six month old daughter calls me,” steam whistling from the kettle, brought him back to the kitchen.
And the realisation that he was going to have to work through the entire weekend, to finish writing the 1,000 lines of code the rest of his team were waiting for.
The still barely audible applause of Oprah’s audience, evaporated as that sank in.