Earlier today while waiting for the kettle to boil, Tyler ‘the daddy’ McEvaddy briefly allowed himself enjoy a favourite daydream.
In it, the unmarried 28-year-old software engineer pictured the successful launch of his planned dating app AltRightNow on which it is not possible to ‘swipe left’ because only attractive conservative voters are allowed join.
“The minute we had a successful IPO,” he told a frenzied Wall St press conference, “the media descended upon my family, like vultures. Well I’m putting you all on notice – I’m mad as hell and I’m not taking it anymore!”
Sadly, just as he revealed he was called ‘the daddy’ not because he’d dated both Eva Longoria Parker and Keira Knightley in the same week but “Because that is what my beautiful six month old daughter calls me,” steam from the bubbling water, burst his bubble.