Patrons of Galway’s Ramble Inn were stunned this evening by an unexpected turn of events, involving elderly local character, Johnny ‘Bang bang’ Lydon.
Bang bang, so nicknamed for absurd claims to have met and knocked out many of boxing’s greatest with just two punches – “bang bang”‘ – had taken advantage of proprietor Eamon Halligan’s brief absence, to break into song.
Halligan’s antipathy to entertainments of any kind, on the grounds they disrupted the ‘natural rhythms of porter drinking’, were well known.
However spotting he had slipped out to check on the condition of the urinal cakes in the men’s loo, Johnny decided to risk serenading Celine Dion fan Dolly Flannery with a verse of My Heart Will Go On.
No sooner had he warbled his way to the line
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
than he suddenly clutched his chest and slumped against Dolly, who immediately screamed ‘Call an ambulance for geeezis sake’.
‘Early drinker’ Thomas Joseph Guiney, whose arrival that day was delayed by a torrential downpour, was quickly brought up to date by Dolly who then tearfully reminded him, ‘My own dear Paddy went the very same way’.
As they waited for word of Johnny’s fate, Halligan whispered to Guiney, “She didn’t go with the ambulance when it was Paddy’s turn either…”