Following a hastily convened meeting, manufacturers have confirmed gouging and despoiling the planet will continue, to protect you from the alliance of Marxists and radical feminists who want to ‘save the earth’.
“You don’t want to fade halfway through The Crown,” a spokesman warned, “just to keep the bloody Guardian readers happy”.
But rest assured, he noted, manufacturing won’t see you go short of ‘brain food’ to power you through working out how Prince Philip had Lady Di killed?
“Everyone knows the children are our future,” he added, “but we need to think about the kind of world we’re going to leave them. Hopefully it will be one as bright and fun filled as the tasty snacks we enjoy today.”