Lourda McInerny confirmed last night that she was ‘seriously looking at’ a methane capture system for her husband, Castlebar man Bernard ‘Burnurd’ Brennan.
McInerny revealed that without her knowledge, he had added a portion of Tarka Dhal – the lentil, garlic, onion and spices dish – to their Indian takeaway order with results that had, predictably enough, delighted Mr Brennan.
The fact that his prolonged outbursts of flatulence had made their dog, Red Hurley, moan along in a duet with his dhal-induced flatus, had brought tears to his eyes.
“Whereas your standard Guinness fart tends more towards a boastful, trumpet-like ‘call of the wild’ affair, dhal modulates this prolonged elephant challenge in the direction of a high pitched and endlessly drawn out bugle-like effect, sometimes referred to as the ‘squealey-piglet fart’.”
I call it the Bollywood fart, he explained, because although its wailing continually rises and falls, it never seems to end.
Burnurd said that “in hindsight”, a phrase that briefly, once more reduced him to guffaws, he probably shouldn’t have had the dhal on top of ‘a feed a pints’?
But, he added, some of the acoustics may have been caused the ‘highly theatrical’ nature of England’s victory over Denmark.
Meanwhile, as she concluded her thirty minute methane search, Lourda said she was encouraged by what she had learned.
“Basically, if I can hook this pillock’s hole up to the grid,” she said, “we could be quids in!”