A row has broken out after a poll conducted by The Irish Times found a majority of the public were unable to identify any of the candidates, other than President Michael D. Higgins.
A mournful Gavin Duffy immediately blamed the poor results on fellow ‘Dragon’ Sean Gallagher.
“He sounds like a talking clock,” he complained.
“I wish I’d said that,” barked ‘maverick’ candidate Peter Casey when contacted for comment, before going on to claim that “Soon I will appoint my wife vice president of this great country of ours”.
Liadh Ní Riada said she did not accept that omitting to put the Sinn Fein party’s name on her posters was a mistake that consigned her to oblivion, along with all the other ‘also rans’.
Joan Freeman said the poll showed just how cold a place the world of politics could be, “when voters don’t even notice a presidential candidate…Sean Gallagher, that is?”