Teen Explains ‘Lesbian Jesus’ To Granny

Teen Explains ‘Lesbian Jesus’ To Granny

“Granny, you like Ellen and Glee, right?” 17 year old Holly Maher eagerly asked her grandmother, over her younger sister’s first communion lunch, at Finnegan’s of Dalkey last Sunday.

“Yes dear, I do,” 72 year old Amanda Maher replied.

“Well did you know that Ellen is one of the ‘holy lesbian trinity’?”

“No I didn’t. Tell me, have you decided what you want to do at university yet?” Amanda inquired, feigning a post-referendum innocence she really wasn’t feeling.

“Ellen is ‘lesbian God,’ ok? And you know Sue Sylvester, the cheerleading coach on Glee? Well she’s played by Jane Lynch who’s ‘lesbian holy ghost’.”

“Is that right? Amanda said, “this chicken is very tender!”

“It’s monkfish granny, anyway Hayley Kiyoko whose single I played you for you in the car this morning? The one called Girls like Girls? So, she was a Disney star when she was a younger but now she makes ‘sublime queer electropop’? And she’s aka ‘lesbian Jesus’.”

“You’ll have another glass of wine, Father Mike?” the septuagenarian said a little too loudly to Father Mike O’Sullivan who by way of reply, pursed his lips in an unconvincing display of hesitation, before nodding ‘reluctantly’.

“Is the weather going to hold, d’you think?” she asked, as she poured sauvignon blanc on top of the remaining rosé in his glass.

After a brief pause, Holly added thoughtfully, “Her fans say she makes gay jams and gives every woman within a twenty-mile radius an instant ‘lady boner’.”