Jake Berry (17) revealed tonight that when recently questioned, his mother Saibh (43), appeared to be ‘as naive as ever’.
Speaking to close friends Seamus Lynch and Declan Brabazon, he revealed the repossesions manager for a Dublin-based hedge fund seemed, ‘entirely unconcerned about the disturbing implications of the Stamford Prison Experiment’.
“In fact,” he added scathingly, “she was more interested in banalities like whether or not I’d had ‘a good day’ at school or where I wanted to go on holiday for Easter break. Can you believe that!”
“Like, how it is even possible not to be aware of the something so profound and so dark,” he said, shaking his head slowly.
His two 17 year old companions belched their disbelief at Mrs Berry’s incomprehensible reluctance to spend her mealtime debating the implications of a social psychology experiment dating from 1971.
Especially one in which randomly selected participants appeared to comply with orders to administer apparently dangerous and potentially lethal electric shocks to others.
“Can we eat just one meal without you giving me a lecture,” he mewed, in a voice intended to satirize his mother’s weary reluctance to accept just how dark a place the world really is.
Without waiting to be asked what he said in reply to that, Berry confirmed that he ‘gave it to her straight’.
“I looked right at her,” he said, “and I quietly – but very firmly – told her, ‘You can’t handle the truth!'”
Afterwards Berry admitted he probably shouldn’t have said that because “In a way it’s kinda sweet that she’s still so innocent, y’know?”
The trio then quickly downed their cans of cider, in response to Mrs Berry calling out an offer to drive them into the city centre.
As they did so, Lynch and Brabazon exchanged a look that Jake misconstrued as ‘respect’ for his principled determination to seek out the truth, regardless of wherever it might take him.
A moment later however, it became clear the opposite was the case when Brabazon patted him on the back and deployed a line, all three knew acted as an incendiary wind up for him.
“Dude,” he gently inquired, “you do know hot chicks don’t have to be smart, right?”