Against all odds, recruitment consultant Dolores Ryan’s run of flukishly bad luck in finding miniscule flaws in otherwise perfectly acceptable restaurant meals, continues unbroken.
Diners at Galway’s River Cafe, last night reported hearing the attention-seeking 28 year old make a mewing sound, immediately after being served her main course.
The noise stopped husband Brian from sampling one of the restaurant’s signature dishes, ‘Venison with Buckwheat, Elderberry, Red Radicchio, Pumpkin, Pine & Spaghetti squash‘.
“Jesus Christ,” he whispered hoarsely into his plate before lifting his head to inquire, “What is it, my little sparrow?”
“Can you call the waiter please, honey?” she inquired, pointing at her food with a theatrically ‘wry’ expression.
“Because this isn’t how they actually do a traditional paella in València?”
“Are you saying it hasn’t been cooked in the open over a wood fire?” he suggested hopefully.
“No,” she said poking at it contemptuously with a spoon, “I’m saying there shouldn’t be any vegetables in a paella marinara cooked in the true Valèncian style?”
( At time of going to press, observers say it wasn’t possible to tell whether her habit of using the authentic ‘lisping’ pronunciation of València, irritated him as much as it did them. )
“But how does it taste?” he asked, in a carefully modulated tone that suggested he’d long ago accepted that ‘It’s better to travel, than to arrive’.
“It doesn’t taste like the authentic Valèncian paella I ordered,” she explained in the overly patient manner that is widely accepted as the correct etiquette for addressing morons.
“But you go ahead and eat?” she said, looking away and blinking rapidly, to highlight just how bravely she was fighting the tears, his cruel thoughtlessness had provoked.